The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Keeping a Low Profile

It’s hard to live an exciting life. First people want you to pose on a box of Kraft Mac and Cheese, then they expect you to attend ribbon cutting and key to the city ceremonies. It’s all so much work. I live a modest life. I get up in the morning, and Mike Lowell brings me bacon and eggs in bed (over medium, bacon extra crispy but not burnt). After I eat he dabs at my lips with a linen napkin and tells me he’s going to go get 4 hits for me in the game and I tell him “you do that, babycakes.”

After that, I take a shower and brush my teeth like every other good American. I have to take a phone call from the President because he needs to know what color underwear to use that day. “Today is Tuesday, so look for the blue ones with ‘Tuesday’ written on the band.” So now you know…if it wasn’t for me, the POTUS would wear the same undies every day of the week.

To keep myself grounded, I updated the Still Life with Interview page on the site for the first time in about a year and a half. But you guys are totally worth it. Just click on the tab up there on the top left. I know, it’s an iffy one, but I’m easing into these high-level updates, you know?

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  1. Anji

     /  September 13, 2007

    Do you provide your own scissors for ribbon cutting and do you have a special pair?

    The world can rest assured knowing that you are underwear consultant to the president.