The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

What Not To Do

I have decided to pass along some wise words of wisdom [modesty!] to all of you today. You can thank me later, by showering me with Nerds and other appropriate offerings. (The good offerings would be the ones that fit on the front of a Canon XTi, you know, to clarify.)

Let’s just say you’re me. Or someone like me. Or you, but you live in this area and drive to someplace south on 495. IF you leave the house and realize you have forgotten to put on deodorant, but then decide you can stop at Bolton Orchards because they sell some grocery items, be prepared to be offered one and only one type of deodorant. Oh, and it’s an icky roll-on, so if you put it on under your clothes, you can sit and worry that it will never dry and will put some sort of wet stains on your shirt. And then you can realize that it cost six dollars instead of the $2 you normally pay for your own brand when it’s on sale. And then you can be horrified to realize that your armpits smell like those gigantic lilies they put in flower arrangements that give me migraines. That’s right, I smell like an allergy-inducing floral arrangment today.

When I go to the baseball game tonight, bees are going to attack me for sure. It was nice knowing you.

Share

3 ResponsesLeave one →

  1. Christine

     /  May 11, 2007

    Those are stargazer lilies. I hate those things. Not only do they make me sneeze, the brown goo from the stamens gets all over everything.

  2. Anonymous

     /  May 11, 2007

    I have a secret stash at work of emergency supply of personal hygiene items. Been burned before like you mentioned. I have a Rolaids stuffed every car, jacket, glove compartment, desk around. When heart burn hits I want relief quickly as well as a few chapsticks. Enjoy the weekend .. Jerry

  3. Bill

     /  May 12, 2007

    Bees don’t go out at night. But you still have to sit in the same section as a bunch of other people. Blame someone else.