Month: August 2006

Good Lord, would you terrorists just cut it the heck out? I mean seriously, just STOP IT. Were you raised by wolves? Leave our airplanes alone!

I saw today that they may ban carry-on luggage forever. How are we defining that, by the way? I saw one guy say he wasn’t allowed to bring a magazine on board? Are you serious? Are we going to have to fly naked? If I can bring a small bag (purse, whatever) on a long boring flight that I can put water, gum, and if appropriate, tampons in, I can’t fly. I just can’t.

I’m NOT going to check my camera, by the way. So what about that? And no business person is EVER going to check a laptop. So they either better work this out, or we may as well padlock the airports because the airlines will go out of business without, well, business travelers. They make up the bulk of the full-price ticket buyers anyway. I can fly my little family of 3 easily for what I sometimes paid for one business trip ticket.

No bags at all? That isn’t possible. Maybe the guy in the CNN article misunderstood. I hope so, because we’ve been talking about doing long range planning for our next vacation, and my first assumption was that it would involve a flight.

By the way, you’re talking to (or listening to, as the case may be) someone who got in a plane less than a week after 9/11. I have put up with the outrageous, horrific security situation, including the Orlando airport’s fantastic plan to physically go through people’s CHECKED suitcases IN FRONT OF OTHER PASSENGERS. This was on the way home, and they randomly chose me, the person whose bag had all the random souvenirs and junk in it. So there we are, at a folding table right next to the huge line of people trying to check in, and they are opening my suitcase with [some] dirty clothes and plastic bags of souvenirs, which were just sort of thrown in there, in front of God and everyone. Completely humiliating, but we were terrified to so much as sniffle around the security guys. Thank GOD they stopped doing that. But anyway, I’ll just stay local until they figure out how to let me take the National Enquirer and feminine hygiene products on a plane, thank you.

There should be an accent over the first e. I can’t put accents in post titles. Well, I don’t think I can. And I’m typing on my phone so everything is limited anyway.

I was looking at a cleaning product box and saw “la poussi`ere” and realized that would be a cool name for a comic book character. I suppose it would have to be a bad guy.

La Poussiere. Don’t mess with him. He’s on the loose with an appetite for innocent blood.

*”the dust”

I’m like, 41 or something like that. You know, approximately 41, at least according to the calendar. I have been out of school for a number of years. I’d do the math and tell you exactly how long, but that would involve “carrying the tens” or something and you know, it’s been a long time since I was in school and I don’t have a calculator handy. That’s what happens when you get old.

I still get giddy when I see all the school supply sales. Man, I could just spend hundreds of dollars in school supplies. If WW3 started tomorrow and all the retail stores were bombed and we were left with just the stuff we have in our homes, I’d be able to draw and color and write for probably years. I’m thinking I may have a problem, but at least I’m not drinking or doing drugs, right? What’s a few boxes of magic markers between friends? Even when nobody uses them regularly, I’ve got them. You never know when there might be a need.

Okay locals, what the heck happened to Mojo’s BBQ on Mechanic Street? Not that their food fits my South Beach Diet, but the pulled pork was to die for!

Did they move? Just change the name of the place?

I thought I saw a story in the paper that they were looking to obtain a liquor license…

The Department of the Division of the Unit of Heat and Humidity.gov has issued the following tips to “beat the heat” during the next two days. These important safety tips should be noted by all and put into immediate use.

1. No matter how tempting, do not accept Mel Gibson’s offer of taking a ride in his convertible to cool off, especially if you are not a white Christian male.
2. Even if they offer you an extra ten dollars, do not take any job that involves the words “roofing” “road crew” or “lava pit tour guide.”
3. If you must spend any time outside, erect an air conditioned tent around yourself.
4. Avoid wearing clothes in the following colors of any hue: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet, black, white.
5. Remove all heat-related songs from your iPod. On a related note, do not listen to the local radio stations as the DJs will be cute and play songs like “Hot, Hot, Hot”.
6. Gas up early in the day in case there are heat-related power outages. Remember, plenty of people live in their cars all year round, so you can at least handle an afternoon in yours. That’s why you got that portable DVD player installed in the minivan, right?
7. Grind up your meals into a liquid and pour into ice cube trays. Freeze for 2 or more hours. hamburgcicles and iced chicken crunchies are a cool treat.

This should be enough to get you started. Remember, if you are stupid and choose to mow your lawn today or tomorrow, we cannot be held responsible for what happens to you. It’s just a lawn, for goodness’ sake. Are you a mental case?