The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Lincoln French Fry

Lincoln French Fry

Joan: Welcome, hot off the menu, the Lincoln French Fry!

Lincoln French Fry: Thanks Joan! It’s a pleasure. A real pleasure

Joan: We are so pleased you had time in your schedule to speak to us.

LFF: I love the people.

Joan: I think the question everyone in America wants to ask you right now is this: Are you edible?

LFF: That’s the question? Not “how did I end up looking like Lincoln?”

Joan: Well, that too.

LFF: Yes, I’m edible. And I don’t know how I ended up looking like Lincoln. If you know anything about the McDonald’s Corporation, you know that there’s just no room for individuality. I guess I’m less of a miracle and more of a complete mess-up by someone working Quality Control. I think I remember seeing the nametag “Daisy” on the person standing by the belt as I slid by, but it all happened so fast.

Joan: So “Daisy” didn’t notice you weren’t squared off, and there you went, into the fryer?

LFF: Yep. And then into the deep freeze and the packaging department. Boom boom boom next think I know, I’m being drowned in hot oil, salted, and thrown under a warming light. Thank goodness Americans eat so damned many french fries. I got boxed up and bagged pretty quickly.

Joan: And lucky for you, the person who bought you noticed you look like Lincoln.

LFF: I was honored that he even noticed me, instead of shoveling me into his gaping maw with 10 or 15 other fries. That’s how we usually get eaten.

…

LFF: Joan?

Joan: Oh, I’m sorry, I was just looking at your profile again and thinking of how hungry I am.

LFF: I’m worth a LOT of money over on Yahoo! Auctions. Like 22 thousand right now. And I was on tv in a commercial that cost over a million dollars to air! I am not just a french fry, any more. I am The Lincoln Fry. I have my own website!

LFF: Hello?

Joan: I didn’t have any lunch.

LFF: Security!

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