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Happy Festivus

It’s December 23rd – Festivus! Feats of strength will happen later this afternoon, when I try to open the child-proof cap on my Advil.

And it is now time for the airing of grievances:

  1. To Blog Spammers – I hate you. I detest you. You are the stuff on the ground in the parking lot that I avoid stepping on. The only thing lower than you is a person who would read your crap and visit your site and buy something, thus ensuring the cycle continues. They have yet to invent the proper word for those idiots.
  2. To The people who ignored facts and voted for Bush anyway, because it was the American thing to do. Oh, wait, are they now admitting there’s no exit strategy? Huh, when Kerry mentioned that during the debates, they said he was full of smoke. Well, where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and boy, are your pants ablaze, W.
  3. To our dental insurance carrier: You stink. You are a waste of premiums. $750 deductible? Per covered individual? So my family’s annual deductible costs could reach over 2200 bucks? What is the point of the insurance? Free cleanings? Hell, those are only 40 bucks. I’d prefer dental insurance that makes me pay for cleanings but covers 100% of a root canal with no deductible. You stink. You stink like festering gum disease.
  4. To Britney Spears: Are you crazy? Your husband is the Larry Fortensky for the 21st century. Congratulations for your complete descent into irrelevance and white-trashery. That was some wedding “gown”. And p.s. your insistance thatwomen everywhere wish they were Mrs. Federline amuses me to no end. No thank you, I’d rather be with someone who bathes, dresses appropriately in public, and doesn’t come off as a grocery store bagger on a bender. No offense to grocery store baggers.
  5. To me, for being so damned lazy. Sheesh! And also for continuing to add to this list instead of creating new posts.