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Things I Learned from My Kid, part 32

Tonight I learned that the very first food eaten by people was popcorn.

[Johnny Carson Voice] “I did not know that.”

He swears up and down that this is what his teacher told them today. The other day he came home and told me that Veterans Day was the day that we thanked all the people who fought the war with Columbus. Or something involving Columbus. I tried to explain that veterans are people who fought in wars, or even people who joined the military when there wasn’t a war, but he couldn’t shake that Columbus thing.

Either he’s only half listening in school, or his teacher is doing this on purpose to screw him up. I think I’m going to go with the former, because I know they had a Native American come in and do a presentation today and I’m wondering if somehow the whole corn being a dietary staple that they introduced to the Europeans came up, and was somehow mistranslated in Junior’s head. It does make you realize you can’t take everything the kid says at face value. My best example of this, ever, was the time his old babysitter came up to me and said, “Junior says that daddy wears black lipstick.” She had a look on her face that said “please tell me there’s some not-so-obvious explanation for this.” And I had to put on my Junior Thinking Cap and I realized that yes, Mr. Dump went through a phase where he was practically ingesting Chap-Stik, the ones with the black wrapper. And Junior turned that into black lip stick. Easy mistake. But the whole thing still makes me laugh.