DP: Lime, welcome to the Daily Probe.
LIME: You make one feel most welcome.
DP: Well, you are one of our favorite citrus fruits.
LIME: One of?
DP: Well, okay, our favorite. No, really.
LIME: It’s okay, I’m not bitter. Well, I am, but you know what I mean. Now there’s a very good reason I come first in the word “limon” as it refers to Sprite.
DP: Is it because the other option would be, uh, “leme”?
LIME: Ah, humor. Yes. Leme. That’s exactly it.
DP: Moving on, are there areas where you are hands-down better than, say, lemons?
LIME: I did want to mention that the lime-flavored Poland Spring sparkling spring water is without a doubt the best. The lemon-flavored has an aftertaste reminiscent of furniture polish. It’s embarrassing to sit next to that crap on the shelf.
DP: That’s no good. I’m not big for ingesting furniture polish, but I can see your point.
LIME: And Corona beer. We must remember the Corona.
DP: But you forgot the most important thing…
LIME: Which is what? Key lime pies? No meringue involved, is there? Much easier to make.
DP: No, not pie. Margaritas. Big beautiful glasses of top shelf margaritas. Rim slightly salted.
LIME: You’re drooling.
DP: It’s been a long day.
LIME: Well, as long as you like limes more than grapefruit, my job here is done.
DP: Grapefruit? They’ve got nothing. Well, they have Fresca, but who the hell drinks that?
LIME: Exactly. And I’m just trying to pass along the word that limes are the Next Big Thing.
DP: As soon as we wrap this up, I’m going to buy some. I swear.
LIME: That’s all I can ask.
DP: Thank you, Lime.