The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

LIME

DP: Lime, welcome to the Daily Probe.

LIME: You make one feel most welcome.

DP: Well, you are one of our favorite citrus fruits.

LIME: One of?

DP: Well, okay, our favorite. No, really.

LIME: It’s okay, I’m not bitter. Well, I am, but you know what I mean. Now there’s a very good reason I come first in the word “limon” as it refers to Sprite.

DP: Is it because the other option would be, uh, “leme”?

LIME: Ah, humor. Yes. Leme. That’s exactly it.

DP: Moving on, are there areas where you are hands-down better than, say, lemons?

LIME: I did want to mention that the lime-flavored Poland Spring sparkling spring water is without a doubt the best. The lemon-flavored has an aftertaste reminiscent of furniture polish. It’s embarrassing to sit next to that crap on the shelf.

DP: That’s no good. I’m not big for ingesting furniture polish, but I can see your point.

LIME: And Corona beer. We must remember the Corona.

DP: But you forgot the most important thing…

LIME: Which is what? Key lime pies? No meringue involved, is there? Much easier to make.

DP: No, not pie. Margaritas. Big beautiful glasses of top shelf margaritas. Rim slightly salted.

LIME: You’re drooling.

DP: It’s been a long day.

LIME: Well, as long as you like limes more than grapefruit, my job here is done.

DP: Grapefruit? They’ve got nothing. Well, they have Fresca, but who the hell drinks that?

LIME: Exactly. And I’m just trying to pass along the word that limes are the Next Big Thing.

DP: As soon as we wrap this up, I’m going to buy some. I swear.

LIME: That’s all I can ask.

DP: Thank you, Lime.

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