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To the Cologne-Wearers

Don’t. Just don’t. If you work in an office, for God’s sake, don’t. It’s not subtle, it’s not whatever you think it is. It reeks, and it invades my private air space and gives me a sinus headache.

Why you think you need to slather on perfume/aftershave/cologne is beyond me. You don’t. If you are hiding something, some medical condition that makes you smell like feet, we can talk. But it is my studied belief that people who smell like feet are not the ones wearing cologne. No, those folks continue to merrily smell like feet. The ones with the cologne problem say “Oh, I smoke, I need it so I don’t smell like cigarettes.” I have news for you. Unless you store your clothes in an ashtray, the smell of smoke doesn’t linger on you long enough for it to be an issue. And hey, I have another solution to your problem: quit smoking. Extend your life so you’ll live to see your kids grow up and get to meet your grandkids.

And in the meantime, cut the crap with the perfume, okay?