The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Weather Conspiracy Theory

I have a theory. You see, a few days ago we had warnings from the National Weather Goons that there was a big storm coming. Over a foot in some areas – maybe pushing 2 feet. Ooooh, a storm! A storm! We’d better go stock up at the grocery store, it’s a french toast emergency!

Except it didn’t snow. Well, it snowed…is snowing…but when I got up today expecting my damned foot of snow, there was what we like to call “a dusting”. About the amount of powdered sugar you put on gingerbread. You could remove it from the car with one deep breath.

So here’s my theory…the local grocery stores are in cahoots with the National Weather Cartel.

Shaws: Hello, Weather People?

WP: Yes, it’s us, the weather people.

Shaws: Ya, we’ve got an aisle full of bread that expires on Thursday. What can you give us?

WP: Well, would a foot of snow work for you?

Shaws: Perfect. Can you start the predictions early so we get an extra day of panic in?

WP: Sure! You want wind or ice to go with that?

Shaws: No, snow is enough. If you predict ice some folks will be too afraid to leave the house for fear of getting caught in it.

WP: Gotcha. So we’ll predict 12-20 inches of snow, and over the next few days we’ll reduce the predicted amounts to 2-4 inches.

Shaws: Great! I’ll have Hood drop off extra cases of milk too.

Some of us go to the grocery store because we have to…because we’re out of bananas or cheese or those little cups of peaches that Junior likes to take in his lunch. I do not need to deal with you people who need 17 bags of groceries to “get through” a day of snow.

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