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Weather Conspiracy Theory

I have a theory. You see, a few days ago we had warnings from the National Weather Goons that there was a big storm coming. Over a foot in some areas – maybe pushing 2 feet. Ooooh, a storm! A storm! We’d better go stock up at the grocery store, it’s a french toast emergency!

Except it didn’t snow. Well, it snowed…is snowing…but when I got up today expecting my damned foot of snow, there was what we like to call “a dusting”. About the amount of powdered sugar you put on gingerbread. You could remove it from the car with one deep breath.

So here’s my theory…the local grocery stores are in cahoots with the National Weather Cartel.

Shaws: Hello, Weather People?

WP: Yes, it’s us, the weather people.

Shaws: Ya, we’ve got an aisle full of bread that expires on Thursday. What can you give us?

WP: Well, would a foot of snow work for you?

Shaws: Perfect. Can you start the predictions early so we get an extra day of panic in?

WP: Sure! You want wind or ice to go with that?

Shaws: No, snow is enough. If you predict ice some folks will be too afraid to leave the house for fear of getting caught in it.

WP: Gotcha. So we’ll predict 12-20 inches of snow, and over the next few days we’ll reduce the predicted amounts to 2-4 inches.

Shaws: Great! I’ll have Hood drop off extra cases of milk too.

Some of us go to the grocery store because we have to…because we’re out of bananas or cheese or those little cups of peaches that Junior likes to take in his lunch. I do not need to deal with you people who need 17 bags of groceries to “get through” a day of snow.

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Gotta Do Some Writing

A billion years ago I wrote here that my favorite quote was by Margaret Atwood. “Potential has a shelf life.”

I think this birthday – the one that snuck up on me (because for sure I cannot be a day older than 31, can I?) – is the date on my potential’s “use by” sticker.

I’d better hurry up and use my potential before it starts to smell.

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Calendar Girl

I’m looking forward to January to be over (for oh, so many reasons) primarily because I’m ready for the next picture on my calendar.

It’s an okay picture, a small farmhouse in rural Connecticut (so says the description). It’s evening – night really – and the eaves are filled with icicles. There are candles (electric) burning in the windows, and a single light aimed at the front door. What bothers me is that I’m not sure where the light is. There’s like a melty hole in the snow where the light might be…should be. But there is light shining on the back of the hole, away from the door, that I don’t think would be there if the floodlight were buried in a snow hole. Not the say this isn’t the case. So now I think there’s a light somewhere else, aimed down at the house and the snow hole. The whole damned thing doesn’t work for me. Only half the house is lit. Are you telling me there were no other farmhouses with sleds outside the front door? You couldn’t PUT a sled next to a farmhouse? Shoot the photo earlier in the day?

You can see why I’m looking forward to next week.

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Ratzen Fratzen Winter

Is there a reason I had to be born in the winter? I suppose it’s too late now to do anything about it, but is it too much to ask for a birthday with temps in the 70s and light tropical breezes? Oh sure, I could get that if I were in the south, but I can’t pull that off on a Tuesday, you know?

And now they are saying we’re going to get a foot of snow or so between tomorrow and Wednesday. Fantastic. I wanted to have to deal with that instead of, oh, say, going out to dinner, or whatever. Actually, it was/is going to be whatever because everyone in my life is busy tomorrow. No, it’s not some elaborate plan to fool me with a surprise party. Mr. Dump is on a business trip (he made me a cake and we did that on Saturday because he left at 6am Sunday), my sister has a meeting at her son’s school, and my parents have to babysit while she’s at that meeting. Boo! Hiss! I was going to go along with my parents just for the company, but not in the snow. *sigh*

I will say that Sister-person and best friend-person took me out to Il Forno last night and I did some damage, baby. I like special occasions because it’s an excuse to order off the dessert tray. Turtle cheesecake, come to Mama!

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