I’m looking for the spirit of Christmas. I put it around here somewhere.
I just don’t have a whole lot of it this week, and that makes me sad. I used to have tons of it – but maybe I was living a happy, stress-free life then. I surrounded myself with other people who had tons of Christmas spirit (I’m thinking back to when I was a single gal sharing a condo with my sister – we through the open house to beat all open houses. We were LIVING Christmas back then.)
Now I just look around at all I have on my to-do list and it’s overwhelming. Tomorrow is two weeks to Christmas, and I don’t even have a tree yet. I’ve got to deal with holiday stuff going on at my work, and both his kindergarten and his child care place – and I just know I’m going to screw up on one or the other or both. I haven’t finished shopping, and don’t have a CLUE when I’m going to get it done, but I will finally have money for it this next paycheck.
Mom asked what I want for Christmas, and I don’t even have anything to tell her. I mean really, there isn’t any specific thing. So it’s not like I am looking forward to opening my own presents. I know that sounds selfish, but at least I’m being honest. Maybe by seeing how selfish it is, I can work through this. But I like surprises. I want people in my life who know me so well that they don’t even have to ask what I want (well, not for everything), and then I can actually have a little surprise on Christmas morning. Something someone put a lot of thought into, you know?
The house is a mess, one side of the kitchen sink is broken, and every day I argue with Junior about his being spoiled and greedy. “I want want want want” all day long. Two weeks before Christmas, he wants me to buy him stuff. I tried to guilt him into thinking of others: “Aren’t you going to feel bad when someone gives you a gift and you don’t have one for them? This is the time of year when you are giving gifts to tell people how must you love and appreciate them.” He sort of gets it, but I dread taking him shopping to buy gifts for others, because it turns into a “me-fest”. God, at Office Max he wanted me to buy him a $30 game for his computer, and his computer is broken. Didn’t stop the begging. And begging.
Man, this is a whiney post. I may delete all traces of it later. But I will post it for now to try to remove some of the stress I’m feeling, and to see if that helps me out at all.
And the plan is to get a tree tonight. I just have to clear out a space for it somewhere. Ho!