Posted in Uncategorized

Free Marketing Advice

Dear Shaws,

Wow, you guys are having some week! Three different [local] people shopping at three different locations found black widow spiders in their red seedless grapes. Holy cow!

I love my local store, and I shop there 98% of the time. This morning, I actually thought to myself “I should go down and look through the grapes to see if I can find anything good in there” which is when I realized that you guys could really be cashing in on this, marketing-wise. If *I* was thinking of going spider-hunting, and I hate bugs, you know there are thousands of others thinking the same thing.

So here are two four marketing ideas for you, free, gratis. I mean, I’d take payment (use the paypal donation link over on the right) but that’s up to you.

1. You know all those M&M promotions where they say if you find a bag of all gray (or whatever) you’ll win some big prize? Tell everyone that the spiders were meant as prize markers – if you find one, you win a free shopping spree.

2. Advertise your grapes as coming with “a free pet for the kids”. It’s Christmas, and you were thinking of getting little Jimmy a puppy, right? But have you considered the mess and work involved with a puppy? Buy your red grapes at Shaws and receive a free Christmas Spider!

3. Set up a display of those bug catcher jars with the magnifying glass tops right next to the grapes.

4. Post ads specifically for “Spider Grapes” and say “Only available at Shaws for a limited time!” Maybe include some trumped-up story about how spider grapes are magic.

See where I’m going with this? I’m kind of disappointed that there weren’t any spiders in the last batch of spider grapes I bought.