The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Month: November, 2003

The Vacation Is Over

Okay, starting tomorrow, back to good posting. Back the the humor and insights you’ve grown accustomed to.

In the meantime, here’s a game that will addict you like crack. You have been warned.

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Happy Two Days After Thanksgiving!

Decided to take a little break from blogging. Don’t know why, I could have described my meal in horrifyingly minute detail, but really, does anyone need to know about the depth of flavor of the chocolate cream pie? Well, even if you do, tough. That’s too much like work.

I’m kind of bummed out because I’m not going to finish my NaNoWriMo novel. I just don’t see it happening, so half of me thinks I should spend the next 36 hours typing non-stop, but I don’t feel like doing that. But if I don’t spend the next 36 hours typing non-stop, I won’t hit 50,000. I know I’ve done it twice before, do I really need to do it again, am I trying to prove anything? It’s 50,000 words of crap. Last year’s was SO much better. I went off-track somewhere in the beginning of this one and my heart wasn’t in it. So that’s my whine of the day. Don’t know what I’m going to do at this point. Check with me on December 1st.

Other than that…we’ve been low key here. I just need to get some relaxing in – I have realized that working as a contractor is great, except for the lack of vacation time. I simply cannot afford to lose a week’s pay, so while I’ve had random days off, and some days of working at home, I’ve been working non-stop for six months now, and I’ve noticed I’m really in need of a bit of a break. Don’t get me wrong, I love my work, I love where I’m working, and all I want for Christmas is an offer of a full-time job, but I’m happy either way, as long as they want to keep me.

Okay, time to figure out the plans for the rest of the day.

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Holiday Snowglobe

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Hope you have a relaxing day, no matter who you get stuck eating with. Here’s a little something for you to use to take out your frustrations against [fill in relative’s name]. The Holiday Snowglobe is great fun – make sure you have the sound on, and you let it just sit so you can watch all the interactions. I mean, when you’re done shaking it.

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Google Loves Me

I wrote something yesterday in my NaNoWriMo Blog that is already listed in Google if you search for scott baio’s body double. That’s right, number one hit for that search, baby!

Oy.

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Free Marketing Advice

Dear Shaws,

Wow, you guys are having some week! Three different [local] people shopping at three different locations found black widow spiders in their red seedless grapes. Holy cow!

I love my local store, and I shop there 98% of the time. This morning, I actually thought to myself “I should go down and look through the grapes to see if I can find anything good in there” which is when I realized that you guys could really be cashing in on this, marketing-wise. If *I* was thinking of going spider-hunting, and I hate bugs, you know there are thousands of others thinking the same thing.

So here are two four marketing ideas for you, free, gratis. I mean, I’d take payment (use the paypal donation link over on the right) but that’s up to you.

1. You know all those M&M promotions where they say if you find a bag of all gray (or whatever) you’ll win some big prize? Tell everyone that the spiders were meant as prize markers – if you find one, you win a free shopping spree.

2. Advertise your grapes as coming with “a free pet for the kids”. It’s Christmas, and you were thinking of getting little Jimmy a puppy, right? But have you considered the mess and work involved with a puppy? Buy your red grapes at Shaws and receive a free Christmas Spider!

3. Set up a display of those bug catcher jars with the magnifying glass tops right next to the grapes.

4. Post ads specifically for “Spider Grapes” and say “Only available at Shaws for a limited time!” Maybe include some trumped-up story about how spider grapes are magic.

See where I’m going with this? I’m kind of disappointed that there weren’t any spiders in the last batch of spider grapes I bought.

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Pre-Pie Zone

You know how I feel about pie.

We are in the pre-pie zone, that time when the ingredients (or the pies themselves) are already bought, but you can’t eat them because it isn’t Thanksgiving yet. This is the worst time, really, because the pie is right there in front of you but so much as touching it will get your hands cut off by the Turkey Tribunal.

Oh, that reminds, me – hats off to Reuters for this beautiful Thanksgiving Week headline: “Nine Charged; Britain Warns of More Turkey Attacks.” Now I don’t know about you, but most people are sort of pre-occupied with Thursday’s meal, and well, I thought they had arrested 9 turkeys for attacking. Hey, Britain was famous for mad mad cow disease, it’s not impossible that they had some sort of turkey fever. You’d think the British turkeys would be happy that they’re in a country that doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. No need to attack there.

Oh. The story is about Turkey the country. Got it.

Back to not thinking about pie, then.

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The Gimp

“Gimpy” is a word that isn’t used all the much anymore. Is it because we’ve just moved past it, or is it politically incorrect? I would hate to offend the Bad-Legged-Americans out there by using an offensive word. I like “Gimpy” and I don’t even know why.

So anyway, that’s what I am today. Twisted my ankle a bit, and really, it’s just one bit muscle pull down there. I’d never thought of a sprained ankle in those terms before, but that’s what it feels like. Unless a sprain is something different. I’ve had some nasty sprains in my day. The worst one was the tragic “Duck, Duck, Goose” incident in the front yard when I was 10 or so. I just went down like a ton of bricks with no warning. The doctor told my mother I had “loose ligaments” which meant I was just a sprain waiting to happen. And sprain I did. The other worst one (cause I thought of it just now, and it was probably worse than the one mentioned above, but that one has a cooler name) was when I was 16, and I was running down the hill for the bus. Twisted that sucker and went sprawling. My books skidded down the hill in front of me. Now my mom never let us stay home for any reason, so I just limped down the rest of the way to the bus.

I was taking Driver’s Ed at the time, and the usual schedule was to wait for my dad to pick me up on his way home from work, so that’s about 5pm or later. So picture me, in horrible pain all day, having to sit there waiting for my father to arrive. By the time he got there my ankle was swollen to approximately 3 times its normal size and I couldn’t put any weight on it at ALL. I mean, this was BAD.

To this day, my mother denies that she would have made me go to school if I’d actually turned around and gone home that morning, but how was I to know it was as bad as all that? What if it wasn’t bad? It’s not like she had a car at her disposal to take me to school if I missed the bus.

So where was I going with this? Oh, right. I have an ouchy foot today, and am walking with a noticeable limp. But I came in to work anyway cause I didn’t want my mom to yell at me if I stayed home.

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Did You Enjoy Your Day?

I hope you made good use of the day today. The weather wasn’t as nice as yesterday, and yet it was lovely in its own way. All in all, I’m happy with what I got done this weekend. There’s still some work left to do outside that I will get to this week, and of course I’d intended to do a lot more, but thinking back, the weather wasn’t really my friend on the weekends this fall. So no, the fence isn’t cleaned and stained. I guess that’s the top of the Spring 2004 list then. I also have to get to the Odd Lots store to pick up my birdseed supply. I found the suet holder, and everything else is hanging empty on the pole. I’m going to miss my unemployed days when I could just sit in the window watching for the cardinals. But hey, having a steady income has its good points too, right?

I have my hands bound up with duct tape to prevent me from turning on the Christmas lights outside so I can enjoy my handiwork, but in this family, we try to wait until at least Thanksgiving night. So I’m behaving myself. But the duct tape is starting to chafe, and I’m having a flashback to the whole CSI: Miami thing from the other day, trying to type without the use of my hands.

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“My Country Tis”

Today was “decorate the house with Christmas lights day.” Was it that day for you too? I think the high temperature hit nearly 60 degrees, so you can imagine we were looking for any excuse to play outside. After swimming Junior spent some time playing with his cousins at my mom’s house before we all had lunch at Burger King. Then Junior and I went to buy this year’s lights. I know they are reusable, but before you say anything, I leave them up until spring and by then, especially after last year’s winter, all the color was worn off the bulbs. Useless to me, you see.

I let Junior pick this year’s color scheme, and God Bless his soul, he likes blue lights. I love blue lights outside…just think they look awesome. I could never get Mr. Dump to do blue lights – he actually wanted us to do white lights (which just doesn’t scream “Christmas” to me, and I want my house screaming, baby.) Over the years I settled for red outside, and eventually got my way with multi-colored. But Junior said blue so we looked for blue. Then he said he wanted red too. We have two bushes on each side of the front steps, so that works out. Well, funny thing – I’ve been in this house for nine and a half years, and this is the first year that the shrubs are so big that one string of lights wasn’t enough. So we had to go back to the store, and I decided to splurge on one of those white deer with the head that goes up and down because Mr. Dump always wanted one, and they were always too expensive. Well, Brooks had them for $18.88! I can do that!

The thing is, the way I decorated the front, it’s, well, patriotic. I didn’t mean to do it that way. Junior said he wanted the red closest to the house, and I did that, but the spot where the deer worked the best meant that it’s now red, white and blue, in that order.

Well, you know, whether or not I support what we’re doing in Iraq, I DO support the people who are over there, and I know this is the worst time of year. So let’s just say that I did my decorating that way on purpose, shall we? (Now I just have to keep myself from flipping the lights on between now and Thanksgiving, when I generally start with that stuff. I love the holidays!)

Oh, you’re probably wondering about this post title, huh? Junior came home from school about a month ago and told me he’d learned a new song, called “My Country Tis”. That’s way too cute for me to correct him. Oh, and he does a stellar job singing it, if I can brag for a moment.

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"My Country Tis"

Today was “decorate the house with Christmas lights day.” Was it that day for you too? I think the high temperature hit nearly 60 degrees, so you can imagine we were looking for any excuse to play outside. After swimming Junior spent some time playing with his cousins at my mom’s house before we all had lunch at Burger King. Then Junior and I went to buy this year’s lights. I know they are reusable, but before you say anything, I leave them up until spring and by then, especially after last year’s winter, all the color was worn off the bulbs. Useless to me, you see.

I let Junior pick this year’s color scheme, and God Bless his soul, he likes blue lights. I love blue lights outside…just think they look awesome. I could never get Mr. Dump to do blue lights – he actually wanted us to do white lights (which just doesn’t scream “Christmas” to me, and I want my house screaming, baby.) Over the years I settled for red outside, and eventually got my way with multi-colored. But Junior said blue so we looked for blue. Then he said he wanted red too. We have two bushes on each side of the front steps, so that works out. Well, funny thing – I’ve been in this house for nine and a half years, and this is the first year that the shrubs are so big that one string of lights wasn’t enough. So we had to go back to the store, and I decided to splurge on one of those white deer with the head that goes up and down because Mr. Dump always wanted one, and they were always too expensive. Well, Brooks had them for $18.88! I can do that!

The thing is, the way I decorated the front, it’s, well, patriotic. I didn’t mean to do it that way. Junior said he wanted the red closest to the house, and I did that, but the spot where the deer worked the best meant that it’s now red, white and blue, in that order.

Well, you know, whether or not I support what we’re doing in Iraq, I DO support the people who are over there, and I know this is the worst time of year. So let’s just say that I did my decorating that way on purpose, shall we? (Now I just have to keep myself from flipping the lights on between now and Thanksgiving, when I generally start with that stuff. I love the holidays!)

Oh, you’re probably wondering about this post title, huh? Junior came home from school about a month ago and told me he’d learned a new song, called “My Country Tis”. That’s way too cute for me to correct him. Oh, and he does a stellar job singing it, if I can brag for a moment.

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