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Dear Rocky,

Mister Racoon, if you could do me a favor and stay the heck out of my rubbish, I’d be forever in your debt. You see, I startle easily, and the noise right outside the back door scared the poop out of me last night. I didn’t think to look over by the fence so I didn’t notice all the trash until I went up to bed and looked out the window. You were still there, I was watching you. Don’t think that having a cute face made me go all soft and think your breaking and entering were fine.

I picked up most of the mess this morning. All that for some old hot dog rolls? Maybe next time I’ll just leave them in the driveway for you.