The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Month: July, 2003

Weedy

Hey, you know what? If you plant flowers you should probably weed them every once in a while. Sheesh, I sort of let that go for a little while and tonight I couldn’t tell where the flowers were.

Stupid ratzen-fratzen crabgrass. I want it GONE from my yard. I’m so furious with the way it’s just everywhere. And unlike my father, I don’t look at crabgrass and clover as an acceptable substitute for regular healthy grass. I’m just ready to pull out my hair, I tell you.

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Busy Bee

I haven’t forgotten you, I swear. Give me a few and I’ll give you more of my attention. I’ve just been beyond busy.

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Loser of the Century

A special Big DumpTruck note to the wench in the silver Nissan minivan (I have your plate number but I think I should refrain from posting it here) who got on Route 2 at the Route 70 entrance: If you EVER pull out onto Route 2 like that again, I hope your will is in order and your children are prepared to be orphans. I have never seen such stupidity on the road, and I’ve seen a LOT of stupidity. The woman you popped out in front off should be given some kind of reward for

a) Not slamming into the side or back of your van, given that she was only about 20 feet away from you when you pulled out clear in the middle of her lane

b) Not jumping into MY lane, which would have inconvenienced me because I was actually driving almost parallel with her.

You stupid stupid piece of guano. (I’d use the really great derogatory term I learned over on blogdaddy.com, but this is a family site). IF you feel you must pull out, why not wait more than 5 seconds after you pull up to the stop sign to actually look to see if there is any kind of opening coming up. But here’s the important thing, jerkface. If you insist on pulling out anyway, stay in the frigging breakdown lane until you come up to speed.

You are not the only person on the road, and you’re lucky several of us didn’t force you off it and beat you senseless for that stupid move. Yes, I’m still angry about it 5 hours later, because I know you could have KILLED one of us, not to mention shut down the highway screwing up everyone else’s commute. Because you are too freaking important to actually have to wait to pull out onto the highway. Stupid [Expletive Deleted].

Oh, and one last thing. Yes, your long brown hair sure was beautiful. Do us all a favor and keep your eyes on the road instead of looking at yourself in the mirror, you narcissistic beee-yotch. You’ve only been on the highway 30 seconds. Didn’t you check your hair before you left the house?

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Stop That!

Someone on the other side of the cubicle wall (in the other row) is clicking his pen on his teeth. I’m going to have to go over there and pull his fingernails out, one by one, until he stops. Seriously people, just DON’T DO THAT.

Added 10 minutes later: Also, would the other person stop whistling “On the Road Again”? Thanks, you’re swell.

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Update on the Phone

Okay, so I can’t program speed dial numbers (?!) but it does verbally announce who is calling. I mean, how freaking cool is that? Too bad nobody ever calls, or I’d be all over that functionality. I did make my dad call me, and of course he now thinks I spent a thousand dollars on the phone. Hey dad, this one was $20 less than the one I should have bought.

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No! No! It Can’t Be the End of July!

I’m feeling kind of bitter right now about how quickly the summer is passing. Why didn’t February fly by this way? Or even March? No, I have to be stuck watching June and July leave contrails in the sky. *sigh*

I’ll be the first to admit that part of my being upset has to do with junior’s formal education looming like a hulking beast on the horizon. Oh I’m thrilled he’ll be in school so they can fill him up with book learnin’ and he’ll have a ton of other kids to play with. But, but…they want all his time. Every day. Last year we took two beach days in September, just he and I, and we had the place to ourselves. It was magical, quite frankly. And now if I want to do that I have to actually pull him out of school! Nevermore will we have just “mama days” and even as I type that my eyes are tearing up so I think I’m just going to not type about it any more. I know it’s not the end of the world. But in some ways, it’s the end of a part of the world.

</sad violins>

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New Phone

I needed to buy a new phone. The upstairs phone, a total piece of crap, wouldn’t dial. Sometimes hitting a number would sometimes send a tone, sometimes not. If there were an emergency, I would have to dial 9999999999999999111111111111111111111111111. I figured that might not be in my best interest. I’ve also been having a static problem with the phone downstairs since putting in the wireless network. Time to upgrade to a 2.4 gigahertz, or whatever the kids are using these days. So if I took the phone from downstairs and moved it upstairs, I could get a new phone for downstairs. All problems solved.

And then, I stupidly bought a way cool new phone that I thought had an answering machine. It was priced as if it did, that’s for sure. No, it’s got all bells and whistles, awesome range, a belt clip and a speakerphone built into the handset (cool!) but it’s a phone meant to be used with voice mail. As in the phone company’s system. Oh well, I’ve been thinking about signing up for that for a while now. Sigh.

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Brilliant

Mr. Crunchy wows me again with his brilliance.

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Overheard

It’s 11:21am

Me: I’m ready for lunch. I’ve been ready for an hour.

Coworker: I already ate my afternoon snack.

I think it’s one of those days.

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Dear Rocky,

Mister Racoon, if you could do me a favor and stay the heck out of my rubbish, I’d be forever in your debt. You see, I startle easily, and the noise right outside the back door scared the poop out of me last night. I didn’t think to look over by the fence so I didn’t notice all the trash until I went up to bed and looked out the window. You were still there, I was watching you. Don’t think that having a cute face made me go all soft and think your breaking and entering were fine.

I picked up most of the mess this morning. All that for some old hot dog rolls? Maybe next time I’ll just leave them in the driveway for you.

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