Hey, you know what? If you plant flowers you should probably weed them every once in a while. Sheesh, I sort of let that go for a little while and tonight I couldn’t tell where the flowers were.
Stupid ratzen-fratzen crabgrass. I want it GONE from my yard. I’m so furious with the way it’s just everywhere. And unlike my father, I don’t look at crabgrass and clover as an acceptable substitute for regular healthy grass. I’m just ready to pull out my hair, I tell you.
A special Big DumpTruck note to the wench in the silver Nissan minivan (I have your plate number but I think I should refrain from posting it here) who got on Route 2 at the Route 70 entrance: If you EVER pull out onto Route 2 like that again, I hope your will is in order and your children are prepared to be orphans. I have never seen such stupidity on the road, and I’ve seen a LOT of stupidity. The woman you popped out in front off should be given some kind of reward for
a) Not slamming into the side or back of your van, given that she was only about 20 feet away from you when you pulled out clear in the middle of her lane
b) Not jumping into MY lane, which would have inconvenienced me because I was actually driving almost parallel with her.
You stupid stupid piece of guano. (I’d use the really great derogatory term I learned over on blogdaddy.com, but this is a family site). IF you feel you must pull out, why not wait more than 5 seconds after you pull up to the stop sign to actually look to see if there is any kind of opening coming up. But here’s the important thing, jerkface. If you insist on pulling out anyway, stay in the frigging breakdown lane until you come up to speed.
You are not the only person on the road, and you’re lucky several of us didn’t force you off it and beat you senseless for that stupid move. Yes, I’m still angry about it 5 hours later, because I know you could have KILLED one of us, not to mention shut down the highway screwing up everyone else’s commute. Because you are too freaking important to actually have to wait to pull out onto the highway. Stupid [Expletive Deleted].
Oh, and one last thing. Yes, your long brown hair sure was beautiful. Do us all a favor and keep your eyes on the road instead of looking at yourself in the mirror, you narcissistic beee-yotch. You’ve only been on the highway 30 seconds. Didn’t you check your hair before you left the house?
Someone on the other side of the cubicle wall (in the other row) is clicking his pen on his teeth. I’m going to have to go over there and pull his fingernails out, one by one, until he stops. Seriously people, just DON’T DO THAT.
Added 10 minutes later: Also, would the other person stop whistling “On the Road Again”? Thanks, you’re swell.
Okay, so I can’t program speed dial numbers (?!) but it does verbally announce who is calling. I mean, how freaking cool is that? Too bad nobody ever calls, or I’d be all over that functionality. I did make my dad call me, and of course he now thinks I spent a thousand dollars on the phone. Hey dad, this one was $20 less than the one I should have bought.
