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(This post written by guest blogger Laurence Simon. Visit his site!)

Today, I saw that the big headline on Drudge Report was: WASHINGTON POST: Saddam: U.S. Wants Arabs As Slaves.

No thanks. I don’t want any Arab slaves, thank you very much. I enjoy doing all the household chores myself. I know it’s weird that a guy likes to clean, vacuum, do laundry and clean litterboxes, but I’ve gotten in touch with something in getting back those domestic maintenance tasks.

Not only isn’t there much need for an Arab slave here, there isn’t much room for one, either. We’ve got a cozy little place here, even with the large enclosed patio and garden. Not that I’m complaining, but the time is coming soon when cozy will turn to constrained, and then ultimately cramped.

Adding a slave or three to the occupancy won’t help with that situation.

Now, maybe if there were an Arab fitness trainer among the captives I might think about putting in a bid at the auction square, but even then I would be extremely wary trusting an Arab captive with the task of coaching my quest to achieve a more slender and healthy figure. I could work out a schedule with someone to time-share such an Arab slave, where I’d get the working hours rights to him and the others would divide up the evenings or mornings for his services.

Fat lot of good that would do, though. I would not trust an Arab slave to spot me as I did bench presses, let alone refrain from slitting my throat as I did my daily walk. It’s the same reluctance I have in letting a stranger cook for me, thinking they might take the opportunity to poison me.

Arab sex slaves perhaps? I think not. As much as Google sends the Arab Sex Foot Fetish Camel Boy Girl Hump searches to my own site, I still believe in the virtues of monogamy and my needs are simple. Third parties need not apply.

So, really, we’ll just stick with taking the oil to pay for our liberation services, we’re not interested in the whole Arab slave thing.