So I had my interview with the reporter today. At the end of our time together (which may have been an hour, I don’t remember what time he arrived) I was left to wander the aisles and realized that I didn’t have anything interesting to say to him. Nobody is going to care about me or my website. It doesn’t have an agenda, I don’t have some special purpose [note: Not the Steve Martin The Jerk type of special purpose] for it. Nothing I hope to achieve. I’ve been doing this for going on SEVEN YEARS now, running this website, and for what? Has it gotten me anything? Fame? Money? Work? Love? Yeesh, how egomaniacal is it to think that anyone cares about my to do list? Why do I waste so much time on this when it’s so trivial that I start to panic in the middle of the interview that he’s going to make me look like a complete loser. That maybe I am a complete loser.
Now now, I’m not looking for praise, etc., I’m just saying that I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me “Why are you doing this” in quite so many different ways before. I have no idea why I’m doing this. Do I just like the sound of my own voice? Do I hope that people will throw dollar in my violin case? If it’s the latter, I’m in big trouble.
I just hope I don’t look too “duh” in the article. I’ll feel like I’m in Junior High all over again and I’ll be forced to move and take an assumed name.
So if you’ve seen The Hours, you’ll realize this type of introspection so soon after seeing the movie is NOT a good thing. That actually made me laugh, to be honest. I had a very Meryl Streep afternoon.