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Dear Monica

Sorry to hear you've been having a hard time lately. I hear that you got dumped by the guy you were dating. That totally sucks.  Men can be such jerks.

I have a little piece of advice for you. Next time you're dating a married man and he wants to break it off with you, have a shred of dignity. Or better yet, have a shred of dignity first and don't date a married man. "Intense eye contact" shouldn't force you to put on your best thong underwear to deliver papers.

Plus, it just seems wrong to me that you went for that gigglefest on Barbara Walters. Sure it's "cool" to be able to tell your side of the story, but it was like watching a car wreck. I'm not sure there will be any survivors.  I think the only impression I got was that if he called you tomorrow you'd be over there before the phone was hung up.  I don't think you're going to be Bill's Camilla Parker-Bowles, and every time I try to figure out what a "sexual soulmate" is my head begins to pound.

Oh, and I'm thinking the tell-all book was a bad idea. You aren't even thirty yet and you're alienating every male on the planet. Lord knows women don't need a man to survive, but does "Sister Mary Monica" have a nice ring to it?  

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The Fine Folks at the Big DumpTruck


© 2001 Jody LaFerriere.
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