The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Tag: traffic

Stuck In Traffic

Hey everyone. Sorry for not posting. I’ve been stuck in a traffic jam for the last 10 days and, well, you know AT&T coverage – it’s nothing if not spotty out here, so I apologize for the radio silence!

Sure, it seems unfathomable that a traffic jam would last 10 days, but you have to admit, we’re a persistent lot. I don’t want to leave my car to go look for food and shelter, because, what if the line starts to move? It could start to move any second, and I don’t want my car blocking the way.

I’ve been passing the time playing Angry Birds on my iPhone, writing in my journal, and trying to figure out how to poop without 10 miles of other people seeing me. That’s actually what most of my journal entries are about, to be honest. It’s riveting reading.

Luckily, we have plenty of food. Someone passed out Walmart sandwich meat and Hillandale Farms eggs. I think eating this food will take my mind off thoughts of going to the bathroom.

In the mean time, I’m going to go play some more Angry Birds. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to finish level 3-6 any day now!

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Wow, I Wonder What My Stats Will Look Like

Some hackers messed up my hosting company pretty good. As a result of their shenanigans, Google removed me from their listings. So now, even if you search for this site, you will not see any results from it. I have applied for faster reinstatement (they suspend the site for 30 days but if you fix the issue they’ll put you back faster).

I don’t have exact numbers in front of me on how much of my traffic comes from Google, but I know it’s quite a bit. My numbers dropped into the toilet anyway, what with my sporadic updating schedule, Blogrolling biting the wax tadpole (oh, sure, once a month they tell us they’re almost ready to relaunch. You know, I once paid for their gold account service. I’m just saying) it’s all melted away. I think the problem is that I don’t pay you guys enough to stop by on a more regular basis. I’ll have to work out the compensation table “friends of the dump”. I’m sure it will be enough for you to quit your jobs. Or something. What if I promise you an original work of art? Or some of my dryer lint? We’ll work it out.

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O’ Parking Space

I have had the same parking space at work three days in a row. I’m kind of scared. This has never happened to me before. I don’t get it, either, unless someone was parked in that space (the spot at the end of a row) and left each day this week just before I got there. Why would anyone choose to park in the 2nd spot in when they can guarantee that at least one side of their car will be ding-free by parking at the end?

Unless….it’s a Christmas miracle!

[Note: I went to the web to get a copy of the lyrics to O Christmas Tree so that I could write my own take on it. Did you know that there are at least 5 billion different versions of the lyrics to this song? On a fairly scholarly site that covers this song in depth, I chose a cross between several version. #13 has a familiar first part (“How lovely are your branches”) but the rest not so much. I guess making up my own version won’t be too different from what everyone else does. ]

O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
How much I love convenience
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
How much I love convenience
I got here late, no traffic flowed
I need a spot in this zip code
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
How much I love convenience

O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Why are you waiting for me?
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Why are you waiting for me?
Why do others fear to tread?
Is there broken glass, or skunk that’s dead?
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Why are you waiting for me?

O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Three days we’ve been together
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Three days we’ve been together
Three mornings now, I’ve called you home
So now I feel this spot I own
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Three days we’ve been together

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Time Stands Still

Apparently, there was a report of a pipe bomb on the side of the on ramp to route 2 from Route 12 in Leominster. We had made arrangements to meet my parents for lunch at UNOs at the Twin City Mall at noon, so we gave ourselves an extra 10 minutes to get there, assuming there would be some extra “NEXT TO THE LAST SATURDAY!” Christmas shoppers out there.

We did not anticipate route 12 being shut down while the police and the bomb squad dealt with the pipe bomb issue. We did NOT allow ourselves enough time to get through the horrific backups that the pipe bomb caused. For those of you familiar with the area, it took us an HOUR to get from the Brooks Pharmacy on Main Street (near Prospect St.) to Unos. We were just trying to go down Main, turn right on Hamilton Street, straight through the lights at North Main (Route 12) and up Lindell.

Problem is, everyone trying to drive toward Fitchburg on route 12 was being sent either up Lindell or down Hamilton. That is, when the cop directing traffic decided to actually let people from Hamilton Street move forward. Can someone explain to me what would possess the guy directing traffic to let us move 1/2 the number of cars as the other lanes? We were backing people up all the way to Main Street! Plus, with people trying to pull out of streets and parking lots (the Shaws back entrance, the cheerleading place), there was a level of gridlock forming that would not be relieved unless he actually allowed some of us to flow through the intersection. Dude, you see how they are all backed up? That’s because they can’t go anywhere. If you keep letting people take a left, and they get stuck, we will be blocked and nobody will be able to move for the rest of the day. Do you understand that you are CAUSING this problem?

Do they not teach “directing traffic effectively” anymore in policeman school? As we went into insulin shock in the car, I mentioned to Mr. Dump about the time I was stuck at “7 Corners” (or whatever it’s called) in Lancaster and the guy directing traffic literally let each street completely empty (like 4-5 minutes, no lie) before letting traffic on the next street move. I sat there TWENTY MINUTES without moving, and this bozo was actually directing traffic. And *I* was on the only street that actually had the legal right of way (no stop signs).

Do officers have to pass some kind of test on the best way to direct traffic at a major intersection before they are allowed to do so? I am not trying to be mean. I am trying to prevent them from being run over by hundreds of drivers experiencing police-induced road rage.

So I’m glad the police detonated the “bomb” (results pending) and nobody was hurt and my parents only had to sit in a restaurant for 45 minutes waiting for us to make the 5 minute drive over. But what a damper it puts on the day.

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