Road Kill

Very Very Short Stories
and Other Things Covered by Flies

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the Big DumpTruck

24 Hours a Day

Bobby ate another Certs and flipped the page of Tiger Beat Magazine. It wasn't his copy. It was his sister's. It had just arrived in the mail. He was mad at her, so he was going to rip out all the pictures of the Backstreet Boys. Or was it 'N Sync? Either way, he was going to rip out the pictures and then put it back in the mailbox for her to find.

That will teach her to eat the last Nestlé's Crunch Ice Cream bar.

The end.

Rain Showers

One day it was raining that light kind of rain that makes you almost happy that it's raining because you know the grass is being watered and you aren't breaking any city ordinances because it's a draught, you know? The windshield wipers were making a swish swish noise and almost kept time to the song on the radio. Barry fiddled with the dial to see if he could find a song that matched the beat of the wipers and accidentally ran off the road into a tree.

The end.


A Healthy Breakfast

Tanya ate a bowl of Lucky Charms every morning. She used chocolate milk instead of regular milk. She spread butter and jelly on her toast. She drank a big glass of Tang, just like the astronauts. 

Tanya lived to be 103.

The end.

(This story is dedicated to my mom, because doesn't approve of sugary cereals. I plan to continue eating Cap'n Crunch until I don't have my own teeth. That should be another 4 to 5 years from now.)

Mr. Willy and the Killer Bees

Mr. Willy liked to work in his garden. His garden had lettuce, carrots and about 4,000 zucchini plants. Then one day, when he was tending his garden he noticed some bees buzzing in the flower beds. 

"What lovely bees! They will take the pollen from the flowers and bring it back to the hives to make honey! Aren't bees magical creatures!"

Then one of the bees stung Mr. Willy and he slapped it. When he killed the bee it released a scent that caused all the other bees to attack him. Mr. Willy had a heart attack and died. There was nobody to pick the zucchini and his yard was declared a hazardous waste area. 

The end.

Ten Fingers, Twelve Toes

When Mrs. Myrtle Flotter's baby boy was born, the doctor and nurses announced "It's a boy!" with great enthusiasm.  He cried on cue and the rubbed him with warm towels. Mr. Peter Flotter took photographs with his favorite Polaroid camera. "Look darling! He has your nose! He has ten fingers and twelve toes!"

Mrs. Flotter stopped her oooh-ing and aaah-ing.

"Ten fingers and twelve toes?" Are you mad? He's a perfect little baby boy!

But Mr. Flotter had counted correctly. And he had the Polaroid photograph to prove it.

"...eight, nine, ten...eleven...twelve."

Mrs. Flotter passed out on the bed. Mr. Flotter looked from his baby boy to his wife.

"I guess I shouldn't mention that extra ear."

The End

All contents Copyright 1999, Jody Burchstead LaFerriere, all rights reserved. You toucha my content, I breaka you face.