The hardest part may be
Reclaiming the places and spaces once shared by two;
favorite haunts, now haunted.
You can ignore, retreat, recoil
Avoid the heartache
of a thousand happy memories
Or face them
Plant your flag in the soft sand
of towns with ocean views
Even as you wipe away tears
and try to smile
Tell the waitress you aren’t waiting for one more
even when your heart is
Because every special place you went
Is a place you went
You can own
those roads and restaurants,
the sun and the Saturdays
or continue giving them away
who doesn’t even
Welcome to class, students of “What makes Jody laugh.” We will go deep into Rifftrax and MST3K
(“The Power of Mocking Humor”) but also the following:
- Weird juxtapositions (signs, bad captions or the wrong video in news reports)
- Funny foreign packaging (aka dollar store humor)
- Theater of the Absurd (The Jerk, Arrested Development, Batman TV series, Daily Show rants or things like Bad Lip Reading http://youtu.be/Zce-QT7MGSE)
- People getting caught in a lie that they have to go with to ridiculous lengths to support (IT Crowd – Roy getting stuck pretending he’s handicapped (http://youtu.be/BHwawAf0-Bc),
Extras – Ricky Gervais being forced to lie about being in the cemetery to visit his dead mother (http://youtu.be/HLTeltR87vw starts at about 3:40)
There will be a quiz.
We saw this shoe, jammed under the stairs.
“How do you not notice that you’ve lost a shoe?” asked
Do not bitch about the poems. I will ban you to a Walmart bathroom in a rough neighborhood.
You were warned.
Frozen fields unfettered
The day stretches long and lean
Possibilities peak out
between gnarled tree branches
and frosted grass
lonely birds fly
with weak songs their
promises of warmer days.
For now, the sun is wanting
and the journey long
Swirls of smoke from a chimney
and my breath
call me back to the fireside
another step forward
another day closer
I knew a man
He seemed to be
what he was not
Denied his truth,
at least to me
I know now
Killing time -
late night prayers
wishes and whispers
When I would not
To reclaim his old life
I, collateral damage.
Isn’t good enough
holding out hope.
Right or wrong
Truth never spoken
Fleeting “I’m sorry”
I wrote some poems. I don’t think they’re very good. I put them in draft mode here and they’ve been sitting for a year, waiting to see the light of day. I showed them to the guy I was dating at the time, and he liked them but I think he said that because that’s what a good boyfriend does. I have started dating again, probably too soon, but you have to take the opportunity when it presents itself. They know I’m not nearly over the ex, and so far, they’re okay with it. Yes. They. I have been on dates with two different people. This has never happened to me ever ever in the 47 years I have walked this earth. I have only been seriously involved with 4 people. I have only ever dated about 7 or 8, dating back to high school. So this is a big deal. I didn’t know I’d have to be an old lady to be popular. I would have been an old lady a lot longer ago!
But I don’t think I’m ready to test them with bad poems yet. I’m not in a relationship, I’m in a “lets get a sandwich and figure out if we have anything in common-ship.” And it’s not bad at all.
I don’t know why I have to call you Santa. I’m pretty sure that’s a version of the word “Saint” and I’m just not all that comfortable calling you that, especially when the last couple of years have been pretty lean for me in the Christmas spirit department. I mean, if you expect the entire world to call you a Saint, you are going to have to do a much better job for those among us who are enduring hard times and heartache.
I’ll put myself in that category. Not the hard times. Everyone in my family has their health, thank goodness. Everyone is employed, whether they like their job or not. I’m a firm believer that if my job isn’t literally killing me, I’m good. But I am kind of suffering in the heartache department this year, so I’m expecting you to step it the hell up. I had big romantic plans for this year. And all the years that followed. Those are dead in the water. So to make it up to me and put a smile on my grumpy face, I’d like a new MacBook Pro and maybe a nice piece of jewelry or two. Something that makes me feel special. But not special in a chorus girl in Vegas kind of way. I’m not flashy. At my age, flashy makes people talk about you behind your back, and you know I hate that.
Also, the last thing I want or need is a white Christmas. See what you can do to keep things dry around here, okay? Is that too much to ask?
Grumpy in America
Wow, did I make a mistake this morning. I updated my WordPress themes, which were woefully out of date. I then remembered that I had customized the code a bit for my site. I think that is the reason why the entire thing blew sky high after the update. I had created THE UGLIEST WEB PAGE ON THE INTERNET! And that is saying something.
I think it’s fixed. I don’t know if everything works, to be honest. As you can see, it’s been a long, long time since I’ve updated this page. When the domain came up for renewal, I did renew it, but I seriously wondered for a moment if I should. I think I did it to keep the email addresses I’ve had for 17 years. I’m sort of attached.
I was on Twitter (I do that a lot. It’s why I haven’t been posting as much here, to be honest. I’m @bigdumptruck) and someone passed along this link:
This site is everything that I love and hate about America rolled into one shiny tinfoil ball!
I love it because it’s full of stark raving crazy, and that’s always fun. I hate it because the people who created it believe every word they wrote. It’s pretty embarrassing to share citizenship with people creating alien abduction hat instructions, when all is said and done. I’d rather the population be a bit more grounded in science. Or reality.
Please, if you do make a hat, send me a picture of you modeling it. I want to know what you look like so I won’t start any unnecessary conversations with you if we’re ever in the same geographic location.