*Big DumpTruck*

I knew it Was a Bad Idea

I got all ambitious and decided to buy some tortillas at the grocery store tonight (why yes, I did get my Superbowl shopping done tonight so I wouldn't have to deal with the rest of humanity this weekend, on, let's face it, the first of the month when all the government checks get direct deposited. Having survived on unemployment for most of 2002 and half of 2003, I certainly do not look down my nose at those who rely on those checks. However, I don't like to share the aisles and cash registers with not only the Superbowl shoppers but the folks doing a month's worth of grocery shopping.

Anyway, I got the tortillas because they were on sale, and I picked up some shredded Mexican cheese (some blend, I don't know if it's as good as just plain old Monterey jack), picante sauce and sour cream. The picante ("New York City!") sauce and sour cream were needed for the frozen Taquitos I bought for our Superbowl snacking pleasure. But I decided to use some of the leftover cooked chicken I had at home to make some quesadillas. Cause they make them at lunch sometimes and the chicken and sweet onion quesadillas are my new favorite food in the cafeteria.

I was doing well until I opened the jar of picante sauce we had left in the fridge and SLICED MY THUMB OPEN WITH A HUNK OF DRIED SALSA-STUFF ON THE EDGE OF THE JAR. Oh ya, that is EXACTLY what I was hoping would happen. See? I try to actually cook dinner, and cook something I've never cooked before, and I end up on injured reserve.

Granted, the quesadilla was top notch, but was it worth the Arthur Band-Aid I'm now sporting?


Um, ya.

Dear IT Department Mail Server Guys

Thanks for the heads-up, but I didn't send anyone at your organization an email with a virus. There is nobody named "Jack" or "Dan" at my domain. I don't know if you've heard, but these things spoof headers, sort of like spam.

Do me a favor and turn off the "autoreply" function until this is all over, would you? I'm getting as many of the stupid bounce messages (real ones, not the faked virus containing ones) as I am getting the virus. Don't complain about the amount of bandwidth this is taking up until you realize that you are contributing to it in a 1:1 ratio.

This goes to my ISP as well. Do you REALLY think I don't have virus protection software and I sent myself a copy of the virus? Someone somewhere had my email address on their system, and that person was goofy enough to open an infected attachment. Suddenly my domain is free to be used by the stupid virus. Thanks loads. I enjoy clearing out my inbox every 20 minutes.

Just turn off the autoresponder, nobody out there really believes "Jim from Amazon.com" sent them a copy of the virus. And if they think it, they probably think it's okay to click on random attachments in emails.

Happy Thoughts

In an effort to cheer me up (because I read web sites as if the owner was writing to me and only me), James Lileks posted this gem today:

"I should note that I rarely buy books - I work at a newspaper, which is a cornucopia of free reading material. You cannot imagine the heaps of stuff shoveled from the book room every day. I always want to take young writers to the book room and show them the mountains of books - unread, to say nothing of unreviewed. This is what you're up against. And this doesn't included the sixty billion paperbacks printed every year, half of which are pulped and set to Japan to make toilet paper. That's right: the end result of most American author's labors ends up hanging on a roll in a karaoke bar in a Tokyo suburb."

Oh, hey, thanks! That's what I needed to inspire me! I should point out that his own books (save the Regrettable Food one) are out of print which stinks because it's been a pain in the arse for me to track them down to buy them. And I have, at least two of them.

So combine the toilet paper thing with him confirming that store clerks judge me based on things I buy. Great. The day I swung into Shaws to ONLY purchase items for Junior to take to Kindergarten AND daycare for his birthday treats...oh fantastic. Two trays of mini cupcakes and a couple of boxes of donut holes? Would you like anything in a salt to go with that sugar and fat? I hope I didn't throw a National Enquirer on the belt with those items, but I might have. "Yes, cashier-person, I do have quite the evening planned!"

I had a great idea for a book that I was going to have to self-publish (which is an entirely different beast these days, very little outlay for the author) because nobody in their right mind would want to publish it, but I decided I didn't want to write that book. Too close to home. Too much potential to get all serious and stuff. I have to come up with something else - my goal is to write it and then do the self-publish thing because then I can say "Yes, I wrote a book" and it takes the pressure off for the second one. Right?

Dry Skin? You're Soaking in It!

I approached myself carefully...I didn't want to startled any of my cells. I thought I had the upper hand but my skin had the last laugh. No matter how much lotion I applied, my skin remained itchy and dry, with a big ugly smirk on its face.

Eucerin, you are no match for MY winter skin! With weeks of subzero temps and what felt like negative humidity, I think we're all lucky to not become spontanious combustion victims.

"What happened to Jim?"
"He scooted his butt over on the couch to let Diane sit down and burst into flames. He was so dry he just went up in seconds."

If I were rich I would designate one bathtub in my mansion to be kept full of lotion, and twice a day I'd just jump in for a quick pick-me-up.

Weather Conspiracy Theory

I have a theory. You see, a few days ago we had warnings from the National Weather Goons that there was a big storm coming. Over a foot in some areas - maybe pushing 2 feet. Ooooh, a storm! A storm! We'd better go stock up at the grocery store, it's a french toast emergency!

Except it didn't snow. Well, it snowed...is snowing...but when I got up today expecting my damned foot of snow, there was what we like to call "a dusting". About the amount of powdered sugar you put on gingerbread. You could remove it from the car with one deep breath.

So here's my theory...the local grocery stores are in cahoots with the National Weather Cartel.

Shaws: Hello, Weather People?

WP: Yes, it's us, the weather people.

Shaws: Ya, we've got an aisle full of bread that expires on Thursday. What can you give us?

WP: Well, would a foot of snow work for you?

Shaws: Perfect. Can you start the predictions early so we get an extra day of panic in?

WP: Sure! You want wind or ice to go with that?

Shaws: No, snow is enough. If you predict ice some folks will be too afraid to leave the house for fear of getting caught in it.

WP: Gotcha. So we'll predict 12-20 inches of snow, and over the next few days we'll reduce the predicted amounts to 2-4 inches.

Shaws: Great! I'll have Hood drop off extra cases of milk too.

Some of us go to the grocery store because we have to...because we're out of bananas or cheese or those little cups of peaches that Junior likes to take in his lunch. I do not need to deal with you people who need 17 bags of groceries to "get through" a day of snow.

Gotta Do Some Writing

A billion years ago I wrote here that my favorite quote was by Margaret Atwood. "Potential has a shelf life."

I think this birthday - the one that snuck up on me (because for sure I cannot be a day older than 31, can I?) - is the date on my potential's "use by" sticker.

I'd better hurry up and use my potential before it starts to smell.

Calendar Girl

I'm looking forward to January to be over (for oh, so many reasons) primarily because I'm ready for the next picture on my calendar.

It's an okay picture, a small farmhouse in rural Connecticut (so says the description). It's evening - night really - and the eaves are filled with icicles. There are candles (electric) burning in the windows, and a single light aimed at the front door. What bothers me is that I'm not sure where the light is. There's like a melty hole in the snow where the light might be...should be. But there is light shining on the back of the hole, away from the door, that I don't think would be there if the floodlight were buried in a snow hole. Not the say this isn't the case. So now I think there's a light somewhere else, aimed down at the house and the snow hole. The whole damned thing doesn't work for me. Only half the house is lit. Are you telling me there were no other farmhouses with sleds outside the front door? You couldn't PUT a sled next to a farmhouse? Shoot the photo earlier in the day?

You can see why I'm looking forward to next week.

Ratzen Fratzen Winter

Is there a reason I had to be born in the winter? I suppose it's too late now to do anything about it, but is it too much to ask for a birthday with temps in the 70s and light tropical breezes? Oh sure, I could get that if I were in the south, but I can't pull that off on a Tuesday, you know?

And now they are saying we're going to get a foot of snow or so between tomorrow and Wednesday. Fantastic. I wanted to have to deal with that instead of, oh, say, going out to dinner, or whatever. Actually, it was/is going to be whatever because everyone in my life is busy tomorrow. No, it's not some elaborate plan to fool me with a surprise party. Mr. Dump is on a business trip (he made me a cake and we did that on Saturday because he left at 6am Sunday), my sister has a meeting at her son's school, and my parents have to babysit while she's at that meeting. Boo! Hiss! I was going to go along with my parents just for the company, but not in the snow. *sigh*

I will say that Sister-person and best friend-person took me out to Il Forno last night and I did some damage, baby. I like special occasions because it's an excuse to order off the dessert tray. Turtle cheesecake, come to Mama!

I thought this was funny

This was something I spotted yesterday and I did a screen grab. I meant to post it for you but I've been out of this world busy.

So here's what's amusing. It implies that it's 30 degrees warmer where I live than where I work, a mere 20 or so miles away. For the record, the temp listed for home is dead wrong.

Short Reviews

Okay, no lengthy, intellectual detail here. Just some thoughts on a few things.

1. Dave the Barbarian (Disney Channel) - good stuff. I have a new favorite word that I may use out of context. Dave combined mayonaise and mustard and called it "Mayotard". What a bloody unbelievable word.

2. The Daily Show - My God, what will I do if this goes off the air? There is nothing better on television today. I just thought I'd mention it.

3. Arrested development - Jason Bateman is amazing. I mean, I had no idea. Love the show, wish it was an hour. Give yourself 2 weeks or so to just get used to the rhythms, etc. It's not your typical sitcom.

4. Two and a Half Men - right now this show and Arrested Development are my only two "must watch" shows, and I end up watching little mini marathons from the Tivo because I don't watch much "grownup tv" these days. Tonight I only got one episode in before Junior's interst left what he was doing.

5. Survivor - I stopped watching regularly back in Africa. The one I watched all of was Australia - can I tell you how psyched I am to see Colby again on a weekly basis? And Rudy and Susan from the first one...this is going to be GREAT television. Too bad Mike (the guy who took the header into the fire) isn't playing. I always thought he had it in the bag (until that horrible moment) and I wanted him to have another chance.

That's it for now...

Why So Creepy?

Jeepers, people I turn my back for one day and you all show up looking, apparently, for a picture of the world's largest tumor. I don't have one. Never did. I mentioned it on my website once, years ago, but that's it. And today, for some reason, my referrer logs are full of people who got here via search engines who matched me up with the tumor phrase mentioned above.

If one of you could take a moment and let me know why so many of you are suddenly searching for that, I'd be thrilled. Thank you!

P.S. Here's a little something for future searchers: world's Ugliest Spleen.

I Could Use Some Florida

I think my biorhythms are low today.

- Before I continue, do people even know what biorhythms are any more, or have they fallen out of the feel-good vernacular? I remember as a kid, taking the bus to the Fitchburg Public Library (even though we lived in Leominster, because my mom grew up in Fitchburg and that's where she took us). Across the street (I think - or am I getting it confused with Espresso Pizza? I thought it was next to the hobby shop) there was a place with a machine that would read your biorhythms for a quarter and then give you a report on a printout that looked suspiciously like the cards that popped out of the Bat Computer. Which, of course, was probably what drew me to it. I remember it drew lines on the card for a certain period of time, and where the lines crossed were the critical times. If all three crossed up above the zero line, that was a GOOD day. If they crossed below, well, stay home and in bed. Does that sound right? So what I'm talking about when I say a low biorhythm day where the streams are all crossing [Ghostbusters reference, I know] at a low point. Got it? That's as much as I can give you today, because I think my biorhythms are low. Which brings us full circle. -

So what was I saying? Well, anyway, if they are low, it gives me an excuse to be cranky and blue, right? Cause I am. Little things are getting to me, and I don't want to blame it on PMS (I could), but instead on an overall low physical and emotional biorhythm. Which doesn't mean I'm sick, it just means keep an eye out, right? I hunted down a site that will do it for you for free. Let's see if I'm right. I went to Care2.com and entered my birthdate. My emotional and intellectual are crossing the zero line headed downward. The intellectual one today, in fact. And the text at the top says "Cycles above that midpoint are positive, and cycles below the midpoint are negative. A critical day occurs when your biorhythm cycles cross the zero line on the ascent or descent. On critical days, performance in the affected cycles might be particularly poor." Well there you go. I'm passing zero on intellectual today. I passed zero on Emotional yesterday. Not saying there's anything to this, but it is interesting to play with anyway.

Skippy

I missed posting yesterday, in at least two of the definitions for the word "missed". I'm wondering if there are more than two, but for what matters, I "missed" posting here. I could have, but no time, no energy, strange lack of something to say.

"But," you respond, "that hasn't stopped you before."

"Well," I counter, "your inability to see how important every word that flows from my fingertips is, does not mean I'm not saying something important. Look within yourself, not at me."

"Sure, blame us."

"You aren't looking within yourself, you're looking at me. I told you, stop looking at me, or I'll tell mom."

"Go ahead, tell her."

"I'll do it."

"So do it."

"I will."

"Ya?"

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

Monday is Pants Day

I think if Dr, King were alive...well wait, if he were alive he wouldn't have a Federal Holiday, I'm pretty sure. Okay, ignoring that, I think he'd be really happy that I celebrated the day shopping for pants.

I think my immediate pants crisis is in check, and I can focus on 1-2 sweaters, and then I can buy clothes like a normal person. Dropping two pant sizes last year was nice but it blew up my wardrobe, y'know? I am just trung to rebuild basics, like now I want a black sweater. You'd think I'd have one of those, but the one I did have swims on me now. Looks messy for work, really.

I'd fill my wish list with clothing I'd like, cause it's my birthday next week and all...but if I put the size down, once you saw it. I'd have to kill you.

HOT DAMN!

Holy Cannoli, time to start the shopping list for February 1st!

Goooooo Pats!

It's too early in the game for me to be so optimistic, right? It's 10 to 0 as I write this, Manning has already thrown two interceptions which must be a little distracting to him. It's downright balmy out compared to their last game.

Junior's bowling party was a huge success. I think all the kids had a great time, no injuries reported, and this marks the first time in three parties Junior hasn't sprung a nosebleed. I think using the Ocean spray daily has solved the problem, for the most part. It's also 100% humidity outside, if I read the weather report correctly, compared to the 10% or so it was last week. (Well, that's how it FELT anyway).

You'd Think It Would Be Easier

I've spent the last half hour searching for decent photos of the Ninja Storm power rangers to use as a model for the birthday cake we have to decorate. Specifically we're looking for the green ranger, because that is Junior's favorite. He was the green one for Halloween. There are amazingly few photos on the internet, or at least, amazingly few of the Ninja Storm PR's and even fewer of the Green Samurai PR. Sheesh.

It is interesting to see what's out there, and to note that if you have a public website and you take a picture of your roommate and somehow refer to him as a Power Ranger, it might be the result when someone does a Google image search. I'm just saying.

Backfired

I thought I was soooo clever. Ha. One of us is clever and it isn't me.

Junior looked tired. He went to be really late last night, but I figured that was okay because today is Saturday. HA. He came in and woke me up at 6:30, which is early for him, never mind when he doesn't fall asleep until 10pm!

He also had swimming this morning, which tires him out. I told him he should take a rest. He didn't want to. Okay, well, then your options are to help me clean or take a rest. We have a lot of cleaning on the agenda, including his room. Guess who went to take a nap so now I can't clean because the majority of what I need to do involves his room and the room next to it?

Well, maybe God wants ME to nap too. It could happen...

Looking for that Eric Heenan Entry?

I see a couple of you are looking for my previousEric Heenan entry here. He's the traffic guy in the morning on WXLO. I'm sure the sudden interest is related to the fact that SUDDENLY the man's voice is COMPLETELY different, and they are saying it's because of the equipment he uses to broadcast. I'm not convinced. I don't think it would change is voice THAT much. I'm trying to listen to the phrasing, etc. to see if the "content" of the report matches what it normally is. I haven't heard anything yet that made me say "Oh, Eric used to say that all the time, it really MUST be him."

This is, to a lesser extent, similar to the WBZ radio sneaky bastige attempt to fool us into thinking that Gary LaPierre, the cornerstone morning anchor for *mumble* years, was reporting from Boston yesterday. Apparently some time ago he struck a deal that during the winter, two weeks of EVERY MONTH he broadcasts from Florida. Defenders say "who cares where he's doing it" but I say it's deceptive and sneaky and if it was no big deal why wasn't it known until yesterday? Why hide it? What kind of integrity is that?

So if the traffic reporter is named Bob, why call him Bill or Frank or Eric?

The Measure of a Successful Day

1. The pipes stayed intact
2. The heat stayed on
3. The car started
4. It's payday

So right away, I'm having a successful day, by any measure.

Conversation

No school for junior tomorrow, due to the extreme cold and danger for kids who wait for busses. I actually think this is wise, but who am I?

Conversation we just had.

Jr: What was that!
Me: The wind
Jr: It sounded like a burgler!
Me: You're going to have to trust me, there are no burglers out tonight

Feta News

How do you make feta saltier? Mix in some capers and call it a spread! Hooo boy, my blood pressure should spike any minute now. I'm not sure how I feel about the combo, actually. It's part of the special sandwich of the day, roast beef wrap with feta-caper spread. But it's feta, so it has to be good, right?

p.s. If you are going to change the pickle chips from sweet to dill, for goodness' sake TELL SOMEONE before they ask for them. I like dill as much as the next girl, but I was in the mood for a few sweet pickle chips. Crunch...ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Such a Thoughtful Boy

For some reason (and it could have been the -3 temps as we left the house this morning) Junior suggested that we should save all our money and put a garage on the house. That's actually amazingly thoughtful, because I believe he got the idea after I removed the thin covering of snow from the car.

He then pointed out that instead of having two doors to the house we would have three, so apparently his vision includes some sort of breezeway. Of course then we'd probably have four doors, so maybe I won't say anything.

I told him I'd love to put a garage on the house but it's a LOT of money, and he was wondering if I wanted all the change he has in his piggy bank. I mean, could you just squeeze this kid to death? I told him that wasn't enough. I said we'd probably need 200 one hundred dollar bills (breaking it down into a number he could more likely understand). Which doesn't sound so outrageous, when you put it that way, does it? If 200 of you each send me $100, I can build Junior's dream garage!

He asked me how much is in my bank account, and when I told him, he pointed out that there was enough for him to get a red Game Boy SP and THEN start saving for the garage. I see he's retained his priorities.

Fun With Science

Okay, if it's cold enough to freeze the contents of my nose while I'm breathing warm air through it, do you think if I throw a cup of water into the air it will freeze before it hits the ground?

Stay tuned...

Okay, so as Rick pointed out, we're a few degrees off from the optimal "water thrown up in the air and freezing before it hits the ground" weather.

So I pose another question: It says that you can keep Cool Whip for 2 weeks in the fridge...but how can you tell if it's gone bad?

Oh For Pete's Sake!

I want to share a little bit of my life with you. The part of my life that has to go outside to get to and from work. Here is what Yahoo has to say about my weather.

"Tomorrow night: Partly cloudy and windy. Cold. Dangerous wind chills approaching -40F. Low around -10F. Winds WNW at 25 to 35 mph."

In case you weren't paying attention, there's a negative sign in front of the forty. Low without the 35 (!) mph wind is -10. -10 is almost 40 degrees COLDER than the temperature at which water freezes. It's about 60 degree colder than the temperature at which Jody freezes.

Wind chill of -40. I can barely conceive of that. The only way to make that worse is to present it in celsius. Wait, why is -40f equal to -40c? Am I doing the math wrong? Hang on...nope, I did it right. So okay, that doesn't make it sound worse. It makes it sound the same. And Kelvin would make it sound positively steamy...(for the record, that's 233k. Woo.)

Fact or Fiction

I have a new project I'm working on for this site. I'll reveal all shortly. (This is actually a test post for something else, diguised as a real entry. Ha! Fooled you!)

Think Spring

The Spring L.L. Bean catalogs are arriving. This would be fantastic if it weren't for the fact that the wind-chill tonight and tomorrow is supposed to put us at...wait for it...thirty below.

So while I enjoy seeing short sleeved tops and kicky sandals as much as the next gal, it's kind of a slap in the face. Plus, it ticks me off that I cannot order clothing in the darker fall/winter colors any more. Mom let me pick a few items out of the catalog for my upcoming birthday, and in my size in a certain pant, the only colors available are the new spring colors. Well, I'm not a spring. And someone explain to me why one wouldn't want to wear navy blue all year long? I'm not going to work wearing pastel green, thank you very much. These aren't corduroys, they are pants. Pants I want to wear to work. So thanks, L.L. Bean, for mocking me. Maybe I'll use your lovely spring catalog for kindling tonight when I'm trying to keep my house warm.

lunch

Garlic, anyone? This is a blurry photo of today's lunch from the cafeteria. It's blurry because it was taken with a phone camera with only indoor lighting available. It's pretty good, considering.

Anyway, the bottom portion of the container is mediterranian pasta - eggplant, feta, sundried tomatos and ziti. The top of the container is all the cloves of garlic I fished out of the dish so that I won't be kicked out of my noon meeting. Cripes, that's a lot of garlic. It's a bit much, considering we're all at work and will be talking to each other for the rest of the day.

Dear Mouth-Breather

Let me give you a little hint. If you are going to drive during commuting hours (which I declare are between 6:30am and 9:00am) you had best get your ass in gear and learn what it means when you are waiting to take a turn into traffic and someone stops and flashes their headlights at you. Yes, you stupid monkey, they are trying to send you a message. That message is "you have 10 seconds to start moving your car out in front of mine before I change my mind and leave you there so that you can sit and rot in your own filth."

How can you drive on the road today, and not know that if a car stops and flashes their headlights at you that it means "go ahead, I'm going to be nice and let you in." HOW CAN YOU NOT? Don't stare at me as if you left your brain soaking in a glass next to your bed. Pay freaking attention, and the MOMENT you see the lights flash, check the other direction and then GO. Don't stare. Don't make me flash my lights at you again. And again. Because you know what? You may as well just put your teeny little head under my tires and let me put you out of your misery.

I'll be nice, but not to stupid people. If you can't handle it, stay home.

Bulgaria and Feta

To continue the feta discussion, I just now learned that "Feta Cheese originated on the Balkan Peninsula in a region called Trakia, which is current day Southern Bulgaria."

So it wasn't so far off that I was asking where Bulgaria is, and that it started off the whole feta conversation.

Puff Pastry

I'm in the mood for puff pastry. It started last night when I asked Mr. Dump where Bulgaria is, and we eventually learned it's north of Greece. Then at breakfast this morning, I saw the special was a Greek omelet. I am a sucker for Greek food. It's the feta and olives and puff pastry. I could live on that combination. I want to live on that combination. We were talking about the lack of Greek food in this area, and I guess knowing that a Greek guy runs the diner we were at doesn't help if I'm never around to have lunch there, and they aren't open for dinner. Zorba's is horrible (I'm sure some people love it, but I'm not one of them). Athens used to have a decent selection, but when they sold their old location, they didn't bring back the Greek menu at the new storefront pizza place. However, we did get a pizza from Athens tonight (hello Harry! You make the BEST pizza!) and we got a small Greek salad. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh feta. I love feta. I want to run away with it and marry it.

I sing the praises of goats who give milk. Thank you, feta makers of the world!

Go Pats

Praise the good Lord above that nobody offered me tickets to tonights game because the inner termoil over wanting to go and yet not wanting to have to be outside would have ripped me in two. Luckily, I didn't have to make that choice. It's still freaking cold out...tomorrow they said it might hit 21 and I might just wear shorts.

Junior had a birthday party to attend - a pool party. Oy he was happy to go, but the combination of 0 moisture in the air the past 4 days with the sudden humid and chlorinated conditions and he sprouted a nosebleed. Ugh. Not good. Got it under control, he want back int the pool, and there was just enough residue (old blood mixing with pool water) for the pool staff to tell us that he had to stay out of the pool. I totally understood, we know the rule where he takes swim lessons is that anything in the pool like that (throw up, poop, whatever) and they have to kick everyone out and run a cleaning cycle. He wasn't really embarrassed, just wanted to go home. Quite frankly, so did I. I am NOT a fan of bloody noses, they freak me out and I assume the worst, even though I know some people just get them more than others...

Yo, Stupid!

To the UPS driver down in the Victory plaza in Northboro - dude! It's too cold to wear shorts! TOO COLD TO WEAR SHORTS!

Don't come crying to me when they have to amputate both legs due to frostbite, okay?

Hero of the Day Award

It's time for the prestigious "Dump Hero of the Day" award, given to the individual who goes above and beyond to make my life better, easier and/or more pleasant.

Until we determine the next Hero of the Day, this individual will also hold the Hero of the Month and Hero of the Year positions. It's good to be nice to me in early January, no?

Okay, today's hero is [drumroll]
Guy Who Pumped My Gas

Because Guy Who Pumped My Gas is not available for comment, I'll accept the award on his behalf. Yes, it was his job to man the pumps at the full-serve station, but it's 7 freaking degrees out there, with 10mph winds, and GWPMG had so many customers that he wasn't even able to step into the office to warm up the tiniest big.

GWPMG, the Big DumpTruck salutes you.

Google Loves Me

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if being number one in a Google Search was worth money, I'd have been able to quit my job a long time ago. Today we have a Google Search for "mohegan sun commercial load letter paper". I wonder what the viewer who followed that link was looking for? The words?

Load letter paper
all I have to do is load letter paper
.......
Close the drawer push the button then let 'er run!

Or something like that. It's not like I memorized it. And there's no place to verify the lyrics, seeing as THIS is the top hit for "Load Letter Paper." I mean, you know it's not going to show up somewhere else. If I hear the commercial again and think of it, I'll update this post.

Oh, and I chickened out and didn't sing it when I loaded the printer at work yesterday.

Meme-ing. Everyone Does it Once in a While.

You're Geek Chic. Offbeat and with a thumbful of
calluses, you spend most of your time catching
Simpsons reruns and sucking down raspberry
Jell-O. However, you're still a hipster,
you've still got your own style, and you
probably dig the Velvet Underground's "Who
Loves the Sun?"


What Kind of Hipster Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Where did THAT Come From?

I'm lying in bed, listening to the wind. I can do that and write to you because of my sidekick, doncha know.

The wind is freaky strong right now...I mean, I'm listening to gusts that far surpass Typhoon Miffy levels. I guess I haven't been paying enough attention to the weather reports - was this expected? So if it was only 10 degrees out, and you throw in 30mph or so winds, how many minutes can your skin survive before it freezes and shatters into a million pieces?

Not that I'm going to conduct an experiment, I already told you, I'm lying in bed.

I'll bed the neighbor doesn't leave yippy and yappy out for very long. She'll have to find a new way to torture the neighborhood.

Call Me Twitchy

Did you ever have one of those uncontrollable muscle twitches? I used to get them in my lower eye lid ALL the time when I was overtired. I dubbed it "Eye Mono".

Right now I have ass mono.

Traffic Reporters: Do We Look Stupid?

Okay, maybe sometimes when I'm listening to the radio I'm only half-listening. But not always. And you learn the voices of the people you hear every day, you know?

So why is it that the traffic reporters use different names on different radio stations? Do we look like morons? The two I'm specifically talking about are the regular morning and afternoon folks over at WXLO. I know Gina's voice. I hear it every day. You can't tell me that she's not "D. B. Cooper" for the traffic reports on that other station. Same for the morning guy. I had it on WEIM (the local AM station) to listen for school cancellations and was shocked to hear the regular morning traffic guy, Eric Heenan, give his name as Joe something or other that I'd never heard before. Why? Just why? Does anyone think that the traffic reporters just work for one station?

It's Strep

Didn't I use that title last month, too?

Yuppers, sick boy gets to stay home on his birthday. <sarcasm>How exciting for everyone involved!</sarcasm>

Ice, Ice, Baby

Wow, it's jim-dandy out there today. Color me icy! The boy is home sick - we're waiting for the doctor's office to call us back. I am trying to figure out if we should call them. He was on vacation for 2 weeks, and I have to assume that they are backed up beyond reason. Of course, having a local 6 year old die from strep complications and a 29 year old die from the flu has probably got people insane. Junior's had a sore throat (sounds swollen shut) for about 4-5 days now. To me, that screams strep, but I'm not calling in a panic, I'm calling like I have any other time the boy has had it.

I just wish they'd get back to us because the sooner it's diagnosed, the sooner we can get him on medication and the sooner he can go back to school. It's his birthday tomorrow, and if he doesn't go in, how is he going to get to wear the birthday boy crown?

iparty, uparty

Hit up iParty today to loan up on crap for the 6th Birthday festivities. I think the grown ups were more sucked in by all the party favors, etc. Than Junior was. I wish he'd done a Harry Potter party, they had the coolest stuff.

But no, Power Rangers it is. Someone should explain to the buyers at iParty that Wildforce P.W. And Ninja Storm P.W. are not the same, and you can't just mix them. Duh! So they didn't have all the stuff for one or the other. Figures.

Is Your Site WAP-Friendly?

Okay, I'm not a tech expert, but I do have quite a bit of UI Design and Usability experience, so my feedback here is not out in left field. But I hadn't given this topic much thought until I got this Sidekick and started using a WAP device to browse the web.

Couple of things to think about, and I'm not even going to cover all the restrictions the browser has, I can only speak to the ones I've run into personally. When I say WAP, I'm referring to MY browser, and MY experience. But I am not alone.

1. Move your menus to the right. WAP parses tables in such a way that each column is shown one at a tome. Picture the navigation in a Yahoo news story with the menus of other news links going down the left edge...I have to scroll past all that (using a scroll wheel) before I get to the story I clicked on. VERY ANNOYING.

2. Images - don't just resize them smaller using width tags, etc. WAP throws them in maxed back out. On at least 2 sites that have 5-6 images across the top of the page, I have to scroll down past all five of them in all their glory. Make real thumbnails.

3. Javascript = not supported. Especially frustrating when used to launch comments. If some of you stop hearing me, that's why.

4. We don't need a text-only page, images load, but load time is much slower than on my desktop, so the fewer images, etc. The better. Hey, maybe just consider a WAP skin...

5. Frames. Cannot view things in frames. I can click on a link to the files that make up the pages, but then I'm probably going to lose my navigation. Frames are probably 90% unnecessary in this time and date, so just dump them, fast.

6. Fixed widths. I have only written to one person about my WAP browser problems, and that's because literally every word is pushed off the edge so far that I can't read a single word. If you must format with tables and layers, don't force widths that are going to make it impossible for me to read.

I could have included the names of sites that don't display properly, but I didn't think that would be nice. If you are concerned you're on that list, leave a comment (don't forget yor email address) and I'll get back to you.

Does Buying Toothbrushes Count?

I finally dragged Junior out of the house. The boy thwarted my plans all morning long, so I was NOT in a good mood today. Just grumpy from head to foot, you know?

Picked up a prescription, a copy of the National Enquirer, some iron pills (I'm apparently anemic enough to make me the poster girl) and new toothbrushes. Cause you can never have enough of those.

Now I've got to make birthday party invitations (seriously, why buy them?) and figure out what I'm going to need for decorations, goodie bags, etc. I don't know if I'm for or against goodie bags. I don't know who started that trend, but they can get quite expensive, and everyone feels they have to do it. Kids expect to receive them, which isn't cool either. Is this just preparing children for when they become Oscar presenters? Well, I'm not handing out jewelry and cell phones, just in case someone was wondering. But when it comes down to it, I'm thinking some people may even limit the number of kids they invite just to cut down on the number of goodie bags they have to make up. Sad, really. So anyway, dollar store, here we come!

Do Nothing Day

Here is my thought. I think today should be a do nothing day. Now by "do nothing" I actually mean do nothing productive. No work, no cleaning, no whatever it is that you *should* be doing.

I think that vow will last about 4 hours, max. I don't have the energy after working all day to be very productive around the house, so really, the weekend is all I have. I probably should use 90 minutes or so to inprove my living conditions.

I think I'm going to buy two more storage bins today and take care of my lack of storage for my summer clothes. Ya, I know, it's January. Would you rather I leave them unril it's time to wear them again?

Back to Work, Again

Another day back to work after a Thursday holiday. I don't like it, not one bit. I'm supposed to restart my brain ["Atomic batteries to power; turbines to speed"] only to shut it down again for the weekend? That seems a waste of valuable natural resources, no?

Junior has some nose-thoat thing going on I pray it isn't strep (or isn't headed that way).

Oh, and it's snowing.

Birthday Zone

I am entering the birthday zone. I have, no lie, 9 birthdays between Jan 6 and Feb 7, including Junior's, mine, Mr. Dump's and both my step-kids. That doesn't count the two parties Junior was invited to.

Can you feel my excitement?

This Space for Rent

I was trying to think of something great and profound because this is, after all, the first post of 2004. But I've got nuthin. I spent 2 hours building a MegaBlox Power Rangers Command Center thing. 215 individual pieces. I used more brain cells than I usually do at work! (If my boss is reading this, that's an exaggeration. Really.)

Off to buy invitations for junio's birthday party. I can't believe my baby is a big 6 year old. *sigh*