*Big DumpTruck*

Happy Dick Clark Eve!

Gotcher snackfoods? How about a little something to drink?

This year, instead of staying home and drinking 5 bottles of champagne by myself (okay, I was just testing a little from each, remember?) I'm going to a party at my sister's neighbor's house. I'm somebody!

If you're going to drink, don't drive. Just don't. Don't be stupid, either. Okay? Okay!

Old Year's Resolution

I don't "do" New Year's Resolutions, so I'll throw a bone to all you A-types and tell you my Old Year's Resolution. That's the one I keep from now until January 1st. I resolve to cut down on my parenthetical comments. Starting now.

So Far, So Good

Okay, the only item I've done on the list is good old number four. Tree out the back, floor swept, vacuumed, and swept again (why do we buy a real tree?) and the space in the corner looks good. I will slide the magazine rack in - it matches the LL Bean Fireplace Wood Rack Set my parents got me the year before last (sort of a forged iron thing) and hope for the best with the toys.

I will slowly have a collection of really cool things in my house...one Christmas at a time.

The To Do List

It's time again for me to share my to do list. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!

1. Sing the Mohegan Sun "Load Letter Paper" song next time the printer at work is empty.

2. Buy some more Aquaphor so I can just leave a tube at work. Enough carrying it back and forth already!

3. Replace all the toothbrushes, and buy extra for guests. Even though we don't have a lot of guests, I'm impressed that my sister always has extra toothbrushes in the house. You know, in case you have icky breath, I guess.

4. Remove Xmas tree from living room, reclaim space with grown-up stuff (my new magazine rack works) before Junior's toys see the opening and reproduce into the space like some space-age mold creature. Hey, it could happen.

5. Buy spray to kill space-age mold creatures.

The Oddest Week of the Year

The week between Christmas and the New Year has to be the oddest of the year. I mean, can anyone get themselves into a frenzy of work knowing that
a) a good half the people you normally deal with (if not more) are on vacation, and
b) it's the 2nd short week in a row?

I worked Friday, so last week was odd just because of that "holiday on a Thursday" thing, but danged if we don't have that again this week? Ceeeeripes! Now I like a 4 day work week as much as the next person, but I prefer the 4 days to all fall in a row. Call me wacky.

I'm already missing the Christmas music. I told you I would. Junior said we could listen to his Radio Disney Christmas CD in the car the other day, and I didn't complain. But WXLO, which for some reason is the only station that came in on the car radio this morning, is stuck in some kind of MAJOR RUT, and the songs I heard this morning were the same ones I've heard for the past 4 months, no lie. I tried to find another station (DO YOU HEAR THAT, JayBeau?) and while fuzzy, I found one playing a good "MIX" of music, including a Pat Benetar song from the 80s. I think it was Pat Benetar (does she sing "Invincible?") - and it wasn't that completely overplayed "Love is a Battlefield". Would it be so hard for WXLO to actually change the playlist a little more often? Enough of the remake of "Big Yellow Taxi". ENOUGH.

Politicians are Like Little Boys

My son and my nephew were playing video games together. Junior turns 6 in 10 days, my nephew will in 5 months. Listening to them tonight was like watching the Leominster city council on the local cable access channel.

I don't even know what game they were playing, but they spent 30 minutes arguing over which of them had picked red, thereby totally blowing all the time they had available to play the game. Both of them were too stubborn to just say "okay, you can be red" because they had reduced it to who was right and who was wrong about who had picked it first. What was at stake wasn't being red, it was being correct. They lost site of what was important, which was to just pick a color and play the game.

I did take the time to point all this out to Junior on the ride home and he got very upset when he realized they'd blown it. I heard snuffling in the back seat, and when asked I was told he was feeling sorry for himself. Well, hey, no need for me to point out that's what he was doing.

He says next time he'll say "okay, you can be red" but part of me sees a lot of Jody in him, and I'm the kind of gal who would rather be right than just about anything else, which is why I'd make a lousy politician.

The Last Week of the Year

So I have less than a week to accomplish all the things I'd intended to do in 2003. I'd better get started today. So what should I start with, playing the guitar or writing a book?

Morning at Chez Dump

I'm trying to finish the book I'm reading. It's a lovely romance novel - of course, in this case lovely means "includes a character who has her face removed". Cause you know, romance isn't everything (or so they tell me). I have to remember to put more seed in the bird feeder today, while the weather is lovely and I won't have to walk in four feet of snow.

I think I'm going to try to get a walk of some kind in today. It looks great out!

Man, Where Is Everyone?

None of my favorite blogs have been updated, my traffic here is about half what it normally is...what, you guys took the day off?

Actually, I didn't because I'm a contractor. No work = no pay, and I can't do two days this week, y'know?

I went out at lunch to buy some DVD+R disks, because stupid me didn't know that DVD-R disks were incompatible. There's a plus, you see, that apparently means "In addition, we are going to mess you up good by restricting which media we will recognize". I thought we had a bad drive. Thank God for the internet, clearing up that mystery. Stupid lack of standards. Anyone want to buy a 10-pack of DVD-R disks cheap?

I am working on another entry for the blog that requires a little research, and like I said, I'm working right now, so you'll have to see it later. (i.e. Come back several times today to look to see if it's posted yet.)

Merry Ho Ho

...and happy Jesus's birthday!

Got some pretzels in the Easy Bake Oven, what more could a girl ask for?

Santa did good...yesterday when we started wrapping, I was worried there was too much but it turns out a lot of the girfts went to my mom's for them and my niece and nephew. I think we just hit the right spot between too much and not enough.

Christmas dinner (roast beef, roasted potatoes and carrots, green bean casserole, rolls) Now I'm just ready to curl up with a book and a glass of Irish Mist...

Hope everyone had a peaceful day...

The Great Christmas Carol Immersion

Junior is up to 4 versions of A Christmas Carol. He's got the story down cold so that regardless of what version it is, he knows what's coming next. I know, because I quizzed him. ("What's next?" "The ghost with the chains who tells him about the other three ghosts" "Good boy!")

We were watching a House of Mouse DVD and it included Mickey's Christmas Carol (bonus!). What's funny about that is that he asked me to turn off the Reginald Owen version that I had been watching to watch the Disney DVD, not knowing what was in store. He doesn't really like the ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, but I don't think you're supposed to, given that Tiny Tim AND Scrooge are both dead in the future. (Tiny Tim dying, considering the kids they get to play him in the live versions, isn't necessarily a bad thing. Cripes, is it that hard to cast someone who isn't annoying in that role? Please, the kid in the Albert Finney version does NOT sing like an angel. And he seems pretty healthy, other than the bum leg.)

Actually, in the Muppet Version, Junior was VERY freaked out by the Ghost of Christmas Present, who is so big that when we first see him it's just his giant eye looking through the door of Scrooge's bedroom. He HATED that part. Loved the ghost, but HATED the eye in the door. Now he knows that other versions don't have that. I have the George C. Scott version on DVD, the Henry Winkler version on VHS, and we haven't seen the Alistair Sim version yet. Think he'll let me squeeze in one more before the weekend?

So Wait, We Have to Eat?

In some dusty corner way way back in the part of my brain where I store the lyrics to the commercial for Digger the Dog ("Digger the Dog, Digger he goes with you, when you explore") I had a yellow sticky note to myself that said "Christmas Dinner".

Now that my sister and I both have kids that are no longer babies, we don't get together on Christmas Day. Part of me finds this incredibly sad, as I am such a freak for getting together with family. I know growing up we had to go to both Grandparents' houses, one in the afternoon, one in the evening, but they basically lived in the same town. My sister lives about 20 minutes from here, so it's a little more of a trek for her and the gang. Anyway, up until the year before last, we still went to my parents' for Christmas breakfast because Christmas Eve was spent at my Aunt's House. Kids, of course, turn that all upside down, and we started doing Christmas Eve at Mom's, and then I invite Mom and Dad to have Christmas dinner with us because we live in the same town. Last year we had that massive snowstorm on Christmas day, so we didn't get together for lunch. I actually spent most of the day handling snow removal, if I recall correctly.

This year I sort of forgot that we don't go to Mom and Dad's on Christmas day, and that if I didn't want to have a can of soup for Christmas dinner, I actually have to plan something, buy the ingredients, and make it. D'oh! So yes, stupid me will be going to the grocery store tonight or tomorrow (or sending Mr. Dump) to get some kind of roast (pork? beef?), potatoes, carrots, etc., and all the ingredients for green bean casserole (Ya, baby!). I called mom today and invited them over (cause, like, why would they assume they were invited if I didn't actually invite them?) Whether they come over or not, I mean, we have to have something that day. I feel so silly for not even thinking about it. I'll also extend the invitation to my sister's family, because that's the polite thing to do, which would be cool because I think the best thing about the holidays is having a house full of people. Some people may like the "oh, we're just going to be our little family" but not me. It's this time of year that I wish I had more kids, because that would take care of the problem.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Happy 2 days until Christmas!

Where's the Moisture

I have chapped lips to beat the band. They weren't this bad yesterday, but man, it's like the skin was replaced with a shingle off my roof. I happened to find some Aquaphor in my backpack (do you call them that? Backpack. I wanted to write napsack but then I wasn't sure if it was spelled knapsack and that looked silly, and then I realized the whole word is silly. So backpack it is.)

What was I saying? Oh, between the clear Almay Pure Tints (if it's clear, how can it be a tint? Hmmm?) and the Aquaphor, maybe, just maybe, they'll get back into skin form sometime before the end of the week. I'll keep you posted.

A Few Random Things

1. Nobody in my family likes green bean casserole, so I haven't had it in years. I'm going to make some for me, and eat it while I search for clues that I'm adopted.

2. I can't remember what 2 was supposed to be.

3. We made reindeer food today, so what more could possibly be left to prepare?

4. I talked Junior into watching 2 different versions of a Christmas Carol with me. This has helped me start to break his current greedy/selfish state that he'd best grow out of *very* quickly.

5. I just can't fall asleep if my feet are cold. I'd like to thank the person who invented socks.

I Wish I'd Been at the Pitch Meeting...

We have Mr. Rogers on here. Here is a quick summary of the neighborhood of makebelieve segment:

Mr. McPheely delivers a box of fortune cookies to King Friday but King Friday wasn't impressed and told Mr. McPheely he could just leave them for others. Well, the assistant mayor opened one and it was the special silver fortune cookie and out popped a fortune cookie man who only spoke spanish.

Yes, I know.

Fake Games

Do you remember Calvin and Hobbes games where they would just make up rules as they played, and they both seemed like they totally understood?

Junior is doing that to us right now in the car (why yes, I'm writing this from the car!) We've been assigned numbers, and we have to remember our numbers because if he calls our number we have to handle the mission. But the numbers we get can be changed if someone is unavailable. Or something. Junior just said "I just got one of the levers and I got 14 points...we're going to get 1000 points because I have speed shoes. If we get there in 50 minutes, we get another thousand points. If we get there in 60 we get a kazillion."

I couldn't make this up.

Whew, Feeling Better

You can actually smell smoke if you open my wallet. It's coming from my debit card. One good thing about not having any credit cards is that as of December 26th, I don't have to worry about all the credit card statements showing up wrapped with shiny paper and bright ribbons. If I didn't have the money to buy something, I didn't. Not that I didn't spend my fair share in an attempt to keep the economy running smooth and boost the Dow over 10,000 (please, any one of you would have done the same).

So tomorrow is "what can we wrap in front of Junior" day. Oh, and I told him it's clean the house day because "you don't want Santa to see our messy house, do you?"

Less Than a Week

Aaaaaeyyyyyyiiiiieeee! Oh, wait, did I say that out loud?

6 days until Christmas, folks, as Junior will likely point out when he wakes up. Two days ago he asked if he could open up my present(s) to him. "Uh, no." Can't fault the kid for trying.

I think what I will miss most in 7 days is the radio station going back to their regular playlist. I hate their regular playlist. But do they listen to me? No. Someday, when I rule the world, they'll listen. They'll all listen!

The Blank Page

Dear Everyone Who Has Things For Me to Do, (and that includes ME):

I am but one person.

Thank you,

Jody

The Things I Promised

Okay, here are the story and the picture. Which do you want first? Okay, first the story.

=============
A STORY BY JUNIOR

On the very first Christmas, it was really foggy and snow whizzed over the town.

The people were frightened.

The people bought hot chocolate before the wind grew stronger. The snow hadn't seen the town so busy before, so it stopped! Then the sun came out. The people were happy! And then it was a very nice day.

=============

And here's the picture, sent by loyal Dump reader Linda P. This is her kitty, and apparently it has staked out this location for naps. I'll let you guys provide captions.

I'm Not Ignoring You

I seem to have falling into the "oh no, there are 40 deadlines!" period of the year, and not much of my time is left over to write pithy Dump entries. You deserve better. But I'm all you're going to get.

Someone remind me to post Junior's Christmas story here after I get home. He wrote it just for me, but it's shockingly well-written for an almost 6 year old, and I want to show off.

Also, I have a photo taken by someone I know that I *have* to share with you. It will be the next thing that floats around the web. That too will be put up tonight.

It's a New Era

This is the first post from the new Sidekick! You can't even tell, can you?

Ice, Ice Baby

Hey, I'm finally able to see the little birdies on my birdie feeder this morning! Of course, my ability to see that is based on the fact that I'm completely iced-in right now. Boy, this is fun. Not.

I'm on cup of coffee number two, have been working (on job stuff) since about 7:30 this morning, and the boy is entertaining himself pretty well. Ya, that's right, no school today. Boy, THAT is a surprise. You mean they don't want to send the kids out in big top-heavy busses with no seat belts on the sheets of ice trying to pass as roads? Huh. Well, that's a good thing!

When the wind blows through the trees they smash and it kind of sounds like hail. I don't see anything broken out there, which is good.

Back From the North Pole

No, really. My sister's gift to us was a trip up to North Conway NH to take the Polar Express train ride to the North Pole to see Santa! It was an unbelievable trip, and I think we are very very lucky they included us. Junior had the BEST time, and cried his head off when we had to part at the end of the weekend.

Me, I'm ticked at the snow. Yea, more snow. Yea. Once again, we were supposed to go buy our Christmas tree and a storm screwed up the plans. At this rate, we'll be setting it up and taking it down on the same day. I'm not happy. But what are you going to do? I mean, I can't make it stop snowing.

I'm not happy that we're going to get another 14 or so inches of snow. 3-4 would be okay, really. But 14? No. Just no.

Geez, I knew we shoulda bought a fake tree.

U.S. 1, Saddam 0

Couple Quick Things

I guess nobody uses the permalinks because the code has been broken for about 2 weeks now. It's fixed, just for the record. (Next time, TELL me when something is broken, 'kay?)

Oh, and a biggie - Santa Dump, without even reading the entry where I was all grumpy about Christmas, did the very thing I said I wished someone would do - get me a gift that I really want without me asking for it, to surprise me. Man, I got surprised but good. And the only reason I know about it is because he got nervous that come payday, I was going to buy the thing for myself. Which I was.
- Signed, T-Mobile's newest customer

Oh, SURE You Will

I decided to give AT&T Wireless another chance today. I want to upgrade my plan, my phone, and add a second phone to share my minutes. I've been with them for quite a few years, and upgrading my phone in the past has always been cake. I mean, just painless. Not now. I tried to make this happen two weeks ago and the phone never arrived and I had to call them to have them tell me "oh, ya, we can't ship it to an address that isn't your home address or the place of business of the person whose name is on the account." Bastiges. This was supposed to be a quick and painless thing. I want all this stuff, and I don't want to have to outlay any cash. Put it on my bill, people. What is so hard about my request?

So I tried to give them another chance today. While on hold I heard the following: "Our goal is to accommodate you." and "Just ask us and we'll make it happen." Great, that's what I want to hear!

So I got an awesome customer service rep (Jennifer) but she couldn't help me exactly. I mean, she could make it happen, but not with the phone I wanted, or the service I wanted or the rebates I wanted. To get the rebate I'd have to open this as "new" service, and then there's that pesky early cancellation fee on my old contract. So now I'm looking to maybe switching to Verizon wireless, because then I could just have my phone, DSL and wireless all on the same bill. Dude, I am SO going to go with T-Mobile. I just have to wait for payday to get the service of my dreams.

So kids, anyone out here in the Leominster area have VerizonT-Mobile? Thoughts?

When Does the Spirit Get Here?

I'm looking for the spirit of Christmas. I put it around here somewhere.

I just don't have a whole lot of it this week, and that makes me sad. I used to have tons of it - but maybe I was living a happy, stress-free life then. I surrounded myself with other people who had tons of Christmas spirit (I'm thinking back to when I was a single gal sharing a condo with my sister - we through the open house to beat all open houses. We were LIVING Christmas back then.)

Now I just look around at all I have on my to-do list and it's overwhelming. Tomorrow is two weeks to Christmas, and I don't even have a tree yet. I've got to deal with holiday stuff going on at my work, and both his kindergarten and his child care place - and I just know I'm going to screw up on one or the other or both. I haven't finished shopping, and don't have a CLUE when I'm going to get it done, but I will finally have money for it this next paycheck.

Mom asked what I want for Christmas, and I don't even have anything to tell her. I mean really, there isn't any specific thing. So it's not like I am looking forward to opening my own presents. I know that sounds selfish, but at least I'm being honest. Maybe by seeing how selfish it is, I can work through this. But I like surprises. I want people in my life who know me so well that they don't even have to ask what I want (well, not for everything), and then I can actually have a little surprise on Christmas morning. Something someone put a lot of thought into, you know?

The house is a mess, one side of the kitchen sink is broken, and every day I argue with Junior about his being spoiled and greedy. "I want want want want" all day long. Two weeks before Christmas, he wants me to buy him stuff. I tried to guilt him into thinking of others: "Aren't you going to feel bad when someone gives you a gift and you don't have one for them? This is the time of year when you are giving gifts to tell people how must you love and appreciate them." He sort of gets it, but I dread taking him shopping to buy gifts for others, because it turns into a "me-fest". God, at Office Max he wanted me to buy him a $30 game for his computer, and his computer is broken. Didn't stop the begging. And begging.

Man, this is a whiney post. I may delete all traces of it later. But I will post it for now to try to remove some of the stress I'm feeling, and to see if that helps me out at all.

And the plan is to get a tree tonight. I just have to clear out a space for it somewhere. Ho!

Blogging Invades My Dreams

Boy, paging Dr. Freud. I officially had a fellow blogger made a guest appearance in a dream last night. Anyone who knows how to interpret dreams can be my guest.

In summary - I was walking the long way home from the grocery store to my mom's house, where I guess I lived, carrying a 12-pack of toilet paper. As I was walking someone yelled my name out the window of a 2-family house...it was C. Monks of Utter Wonder! He recognized me from the little picture on my blog, and wanted to know if I could help him get something working correctly on his computer. In my dream, Mr. Monks was only abou 4'11" tall and had Weird Al hair. I have never met Mr. Monks and for all I know, this is accurate. I also met his downstairs neighbor, who was carrying his child (although I'm not sure they were a couple) and was invited to a cocktail party. After the cocktail party I was suddenly Angelica Pickles from Rugrats, and I was singing to a crowd from a balcony, but I was just mouthing the words - Suzy Charmicle was hiding on the floor behind me doing the actual singing. So yes, I apparently sounded like a black woman while singing and nobody guessed...at first.

So many many things in this dream point to so many many problems, no?

(Important: As far as I know, Mr. Monks is married with a lovely family, and hasn't impregnated any downstairs neighbors he might have.)

Is It That Time Already?

I drive through Bolton on my way to and from work every day, and last week I noticed an announcement posted on the big sign they have out in front of the Police Station (I think this is pretty much how news gets out. I'm not sure they have a town hall. Maybe it's in the building up on the hill beside the police station, but it's not very visible as you drive by, if it is. Thus the PD sign. Anyway.)

Apparently it's time for Little League signups in Bolton. Now pardon me for being a grumpy gus, but isn't it a tad early to do that? Is there an assumption that nobody new will be moving to town between now and April or May or whenever LL starts practices? Why on earth would you have sign-ups so far in advance?

"Hey, kids, we have to sign up for little league, only 4 months till the first practice. Oh, and hey, Petey, I know you're only 8, but time to get your early admissions forms in to your top choice for college."

Isn't there something else that should be starting up sooner, like maybe a winter basketball league or something? Luge?

Geez, when they talk about the pressure on kids when it comes to school and sports, I'll bet they weren't even talking about crap like this. I mean, making them decide if they want to play or not this far ahead of time is downright silly. I don't even know what I want for dinner tonight, never mind making a huge time commitment for something that isn't going to happen until next summer.

Back to the Grind

All the snow-storminess behind us, it's business as usual. Man, I do hate driving when the stuff on the roads is melty and the sun is bright (explaining the melty) which completely and thoroughly blinds you. That gets old REALLY fast.

I mentioned at breakfast that I hope it warms up enough to melt the snow and Junior got a look of pure horror on his face. Oh, right. Kids like snow. Okay, for you, we can keep it until after Christmas. But December 26th, I expect to see bare green patches in the lawn.

Blogger Back - Re-Entered

Man, Blogger is down, so I'm forced to (HORRORS!) type in this entry by hand. I'll try to remember to copy and paste it when blogger is back up, otherwise it will be lost forever. Well, not forever, but what do I look like, a machine? I've got a couple of pictures here for Anji. I'll just link to them because they are a little on the large side 72k and 55k and I don't want to for people to download them every day for the next week of so as they move slowly down in the page. So here is one of my cafe table and chair, and the other of a green plastic adarondack chair. In the corner of the 2nd one, you can see a little red disk swing from Junior's set. Please note that the red disk is about 1-2 inches from the top of the snow. This is all from this weekend, we had green grass a couple of days ago.

Okay, since the snow did finally stop, I guess I need to go outside and deal with it.


Okay, I dealt with it. Hey, that was fun, nothing like a little wind to make blowing snow a challenge! And you know how I thrive on challenges. Okay, I've dealt with snow, done three loads of laundry...can I have some "me time" now?

Wait, is That Cumulative?

Popped over to Yahoo to read the weather report and I got confused about how the discuss snow accumulations. Am I supposed to add the "today and tonight" amounts? Or is tonight just a sub-set of "today? This is a big deal - could be the difference between 14 and 21 inches of snow.

Here's what they had.

Today: Snow...heavy at times. Cold. High near 25F. Winds NNE at 15 to 25 mph. Snow accumulating 6 to 10 inches.

Tonight: Snow along with gusty winds at times. Low 23F. Winds N at 25 to 35 mph. Chance of snow 90%. 4 to 7 inches of snow expected.

Tomorrow: Periods of snow with gusty winds at times. Cold. High 29F. Winds NNW at 20 to 30 mph. Chance of snow 80%. Snow accumulating 2 to 4 inches.

Maybe I should just ask you all to lie to me if you think I'm supposed to add them together.

Okay, got enough coffee and half-and-half on hand. Resisted the urge to go to the grocery store (don't know that they had any Spider Grapes left) and instead went to Office Max. Cause that's the kind of gal I am. No, we hit a few of the stores in the strip mall, including TJ Maxx to try to get some birthday presents. It wasn't the most successful shopping trip ever, but I got the COOLEST Christmas tablecloth for only $10. It looks like a hand-made quilt. If I think of it, I'll take a picture later. After I clear the crap off the table so I can actually put it down. Got Maybe This Christmas spinning on the CD player. Best Christmas CD ever. The sequal CD, Maybe This Christmas, Too, is on order from Amazon. I haven't expanded my Xmas music collection very much this year. I replaced one cassette with a CD, but that doesn't count. This is the first Xmas music purchase. Shame on me.

Now I may go outside and remove the first two inches of snow. Wish me luck.

Jeff Lynne's Version of "Stormy Weather"

That's what I'll be listening to over the weekend. We're expecting a nor'easter over the weekend, which is nice timing in one way, and bad in another. Bad because I have shopping to do, a birthday party my son at the bowling alley, and my mom's birthday, all this weekend.

Plus this means I'm going to have to shovel. So I have THAT going for me too. My dad gave my snowblower a tuneup (which mostly consisted of removing the field mice and nest from the engine, but I assume there was also an oil change. I should call and ask if he left gas in it. Now that I use an electric lawn mower, I don't really have need for storing gas all summer. Hey dad, if you read this before I call you, drop me a line or call me, okay?

[delete, delete, delete. Oopsie! Please ignore.]

Oh, and welcome to all the people who stopped by after reading the new Barbie article. Don't forget to come by often, y'hear?

3, Count 'em, 3

I am now aware of 3 radio stations in the Boston market doing 24/7 Christmas songs. I'm actually kind of floored by this information. I mean, it's not like multiple top-40 stations, that might not have the same playlist. You've got a limited set of available Christmas music, and 600 or so hours to fill.

I still choose 104.5, because I like them, they have their very long ago roots in an FM station in Fitchburg (WFMP, I believe) back in the 1970s, and every day they actually do traffic reports for the major highways out here in Central MA. 495 just doesn't exist for the Boston stations, never mind Route 2. See, if you aren't within the 128 belt, you're in California, apparently. "Leominster? Isn't that in the Central Time Zone?"

For those of you who've been following along, here's the newest Funny Stuff from yours truly.

I Love ABC Family

25 Days of Christmas. Every stinking Christmas special from my Childhood, available in living, faded color for Junior. What can be better than that?

Well, I'm sure lots of things could be better than that, but I'm just so gosh-darned easy to please.

So now, I'm counting on you guys to help me out with a question I have. Ready? Okay. If I picked up a bottle of Nantucket Nectars Orange Juice two weeks ago and never opened it, is it still good?

New Article Publishing This Week

Watch this space for a link to my latest Thyroid Humor piece, appearing at http://thyroid.about.com! (I believe it will be available by Friday.)

Content for the New millennium

Wow, does that sound impressive or what?

What, you say? Fine.

I've been doing a lot of work writing some humorous articles on the joys of hypothyroidism for my good friend, Thyroid expert Mary Shomon, author of a book that changed my life, Living Well With Hypothyroidism. When I say changed my life, I do not exaggerate. It was the difference between feeling like you are dying, and realizing what "normal" can be again. When you read a book, see a list of symptoms and burst into tears because you realize that there's a name for what you have, and a treatment for it, well, that's life-altering.

But that's too heavy a topic for this place. The page I'm building will reside at http://www.bigdumptruck.com/thyroid/ and will have links to my published thyroid articles, plus some treats that haven't been seen yet. It's a work in progress, but I wanted to get it in place before the next wave of folks show up after reading Mary's Newsletter.

p.s. My commute was horrid, but apparently not as bad as it could have been. 30 accidents on route 2 between Leominster and Cambridge? Yikes! Hope none of you were out there this morning.

He's Copying Me!

Wandered over to LILEKS (James) The Bleat to see what he was going to do for his month-long blog break, and what do I find? He's copied my "put your face down on your keyboard" entry from last week. The nerve of this guy, who is read by tens of thousands daily, copying me and my little 150 or so-per-day hit page.

*sniffle*

Oh well, I'm sure that even though I read him, he doesn't read me.

Lessee, what else. Oh, I heard THE radio commercial of the century yesterday. I've got my dial tuned in to 104.5, mostly because I love the morning team of Zito, Jen and Steve (Less music, more talk! Less music, more talk!), but now, because the new format is All Christmas Music All the Time (until the 25th.) Duuuuuuude! You had me at hello!!!

Oh, so anyway, this is the only part of the commercial I remember, because really, none of the rest of it matters. "Give the gift of Botox". Good gravy, if someone gives me the gift of Botox I'm giving him the gift of an swift belt to the solar plexis, if you catch my drift. Sheesh, talk about insulting.