Happy Feet

Hey, it’s Happy Feet LaFerriere here.

Unlike some women, I don’t own 400 pair of shoes (*winks at Christine*). Well, I have a lot of shoes that I never wear because they don’t fit or they are old but I have this thing in the part of my brain where all the imprinting occured that prevents me from throwing out clothing. It’s a sin, I think. There are naked people out there waiting for clothes from me. But because I never get around to piling it all in bags and dropping it off, it sits in the closet forever. Stuff I will never ever ever ever wear again. But it has to stay in the closet until I process it because I’m pretty sure my mom will know the moment I drop a pair of pants in the trash.

Mom: Jody?
Jody: Yes?
Mom: There was a tremor on the Bat-monitor. What did you just do?
Jody: [pause] Nothing.
Mom: Try again.
Jody: [longer pause]: Nothing.
Mom: I’m your mother. Tell me what you just did.
Jody: I threw away a pair of pants.
Mom: I’ll be right there.

This is my excuse for why my house is such a mess. We can’t throw anything away, ever. We either have to donate it or have a yard sale. So technically, the crap that’s everywhere is just waiting for a yard sale. Ya, that’s it. That’s the reason.

I’m going to drag a bunch of stuff down to the sidewalk and put a sign on it that says “Free to a good home”. Maybe the guy who pulls all the cans out of my recycle bin would like a Hot Wheels Speedway.

And then, there’s Junior, who won’t play with something for 40 years, so I decide to get rid of it, and he pulls it out and plays with it. Yesterday he amused himself with a toy I thought we’d already given away, a Power Rangers Command Center thingy. I don’t even know where he got it, but suddenly my kitchen floor (which I washed Friday night, thank you very much) was covered with Power Ranger crap. Oh, and before that he took a big cardboard box and had me cut it so that he could make cubicle walls. He was pretending to work in an office. How sad is that? It was funny to listen to them talk on the phone in “business-speak”. He adopted this odd accent and was referring to himself in the 3rd person. I think I’ll try that at my meeting this afternoon.

So wait, where was I going with this? Oh, I picked up 2 new pair of shoes over the weekend, which is amazing for me. I have been known to wear the same shoes for years. But with my birthday money from mom, I was supposed to buy two pair (because I kept saying “I need to get a new pair of shoes). I got one, a pair of Clarks clogs. Saturday we were in Wrentham and they have a Clarks outlet store. It was all I could do to not buy the place out. I got two pair of clogs/mules and a pair of sandels, because we mustn’t forget that it will be sandel weather in mere weeks. Oh, and I got my step-daughter a pair of the same sandels. Which means that I picked out something that wasn’t dorky because she wanted a pair. I’m so proud of me!