The Big DumpTruck

Drink whenever he says "it's hard".

You don't want to add any other items or you'll get alcohol poisoning.

21 days of work left before vacation. I don't even care that I'm not going to get paid for a week...I'm getting a vacation! It's been over a year since I've taken off more than 2 days in a row! I can't describe to you how badly I need this time away from work...

21 Days, 21 days....I'm giddy!

Hey, kids! The Daily Probe published another of my interviews. Chris has actually renamed the feature to "Still Life with Joan," (Joan being the name I chose for the person who supposedly writes these things). That means I may remove the DP: references in the interviews themselves, because he's going to change them to say "Joan:" and I don't think that will work here. Anyway, it's up and posted for you! Don't you tell me that I don't love you!

(Also, if any of you are switching over to the beta design for my.yahoo.com, you can add rss feeds to it, so that any time I update this site, the headline will appear in my.yahoo just like the headlines from AP, etc. Really, it's cool, and I've already added a couple of my regular haunts to my own Yahoo. And someday maybe Natalie over at Pickle Juice will get off her butt and make an rss feed.)

Got my upgrade/replacement Sidekick II yesterday. She's very very nice. It didn't come with a little wrist strap like the old one, so I removed the old wrist strap and attempted to attach it at the appropriate place on the new one. And proceeded to scratch and destroy the casing around the place where a strap would attach. And then it turned out to not fit right, so I did more damage getting it off.

There's nothing I like better than mangling something less than 24 hours after I have it.

Now I get to make angry eyes at T-Mobile for not providing a damned wrist strap. Because without one, it's only a matter of time before I fling it on the floor. Mr. Dump looked at the old one, which I now have to ship back, and said "Wow, you really abused this thing." Not on purpose. But the paint was chipping and I'd actually worn the letters off some of the buttons and the menu button was kind of sticky. Yes, I use it all day, every day. I am afraid This one is due for the same type of wear and tear.

I will also take a picture with the camera and share it with you. Interestingly, the one I just mailed to myself looked WAY better on the cameras screen than it did on my computer. Huh.
Okay, here it is one for you. I didn't adjust the color or brightness.

For some reason, my mom's answering machine doesn't like me. It keeps hanging up on me. Oh sure, it's polite enough. It thanks me for my call before cutting me off. I can't tell if it's because her machine is full (which seems unlikely, but you never know. Maybe they don't erase anything, ever) or maybe I'm pausing too long between sentences. Do I have to starttalkinglikethissoitwon'tthinki'mdone?

Maybe I'll just ask her to make sure it's not full. I like to pause for a breath once in a while.

Yesterday at about 6:30pm or so (I think - I didn't look at my watch but I know the Sox game was already over) we were looking around at the cars at the new Saturn dealership in Fitchburg, which is maybe a mile or so from the Fitchburg airport, and I heard the sound of a plane engine suddenly change (like someone suddenly stepped on the gas) so I looked up - just in time to watch one plane cut right across the path of another, at what appeared to me to be the EXACT same altitude. I mean, I've seen planes fly close to each other, but this was a near-miss, no two ways about it. The sound I heard must have been the turning plane trying to speed up when it realized it was turning in front of someone. My best guess is the turning guy was circling in for a landing (taking left turns) and the other guy was taking off, because he continued on straight afterward.

I swear to God, my stomach went up into my throat when I looked up and saw those two planes no more than 100 or 200 feet from each other.

Mr. Dump, who was in a different part of the car lot than I was, confirmed that he looked up too and thought the same thing, that they were seconds from a crash. There was no mistaking how close they were to each other, and why the engine sound changed.

So were those pilots required by some sort of law to report the near miss? I certainly hope so. With all the BS going on because the Fitchburg airport doesn't have a tower, this kind of thing MUST be on record. It should be on the pilot's record, and the airport's record. I am not anti-airport, but I am anti-unsafe flying, and the guy landing most definitely made a horrifically unsafe move.

The fever is gone, so we are actually enjoying the weekend. Thank goodness! I was about done dealing with sick little boy.

So this is short because it's a 75 degree fall day and I am not staying inside the house.

Junior still had a fever at 2am (when he woke me to ask if he could get up to go to the bathroom. I don't believe he's ever asked that before - I certainly don't think we ever told him he needed permission. Maybe he was dreaming he was at school). So no field trip to pick apples today, poor kid.

Other than that, happy Friday everyone.

There will be no perfect attendance award for little Junior Dump this year. Actually, I would be completely shocked if he ever got one, just because he's prone to getting strep throat. That and the fact that he's going to miss 6 days of school while we are in Florida next month. Junior had a 101 fever last night, so that meant no school today. I stayed with him this morning until after I got some gruel in him, and then filled his backpack with toys for grandma's house. Thank God for grandma, that's all I have to say. I've got 5 different meetings today, so staying home with a sick child just didn't fit my schedule. Go ahead, tell me what a bad mom I am. I know better.

Of course, ME getting sick with the same thing also will not fit in my schedule. I'm searching for Vitamin C even as we speak.

My brother-in-law sent Mr. Dump an e-mail this morning that said "the PlastiVan is coming! The PlastiVan is coming!" We, of course, didn't know what the hell he was yelling about. Turns out the National Plastics Center & Museum, housed right here in lovely Leominster, has a PlastiVan that "travels throughout the United States, teaching students, educators and the public about the chemistry, history, processing and environmental issues involved with plastics."
And it's coming to his town (well, where he works), from our town! And it was important enough that he got the notice via the company (Fortune 50) intranet! Small world...

I finally remembered to make an appointment for an eye exam. Geez, you'd think it would be easy to remember, I drive by their new office at least once per day.

I needed to get the appointment in before we go on vacation next month, because I need new prescription sunglasses. I suddenly realized it's been a long while since my last eye exam when the woman making the appointment asked if I still had Tufts insurance. I can't even remember exactly when I was on Tufts. I think maybe I was on it when I was pregnant, so that's 7 years ago.

I just remembered that the day our Jetta got rear-ended at the Burlington Mall we were coming home from picking up my new glasses - these are the glasses that I'm trying to replace. Junior was just a baby, and it was summer, so these damned things are 6 years old. I may have had an exam since then, and just not had my prescription change. But there is a chance I haven't been in that many years. Bad, bad Jody!

I'm sorry, I'm all messed up. I should have spent all day writing lots of lovely entries for you, My People. But no, I didn't.

My car is in the garage with a transmission problem and for two days I had to work at home. Can I brag for a minute that I didn't turn the TV on ONCE, the whole two days? Not once. Not even tempted. I love that.

Of course, maybe I missed something good. Did I? I heard Dan Rather looked like a dope in his interview, but was that last night or today? Oh well, I'm sure I can catch up on that later.

The car is still in the garage, but I've arranged for a ride to and from work tomorrow, and God willing, it will be done by the time I get home. Because as much as I enjoy working at home, I really do need to get into the office for meetings the rest of the week.

You can count that as a reference to the Red Sox (let's not go there, m'kay?) or Junior's soccer game today.

We have to do some work with him. He's a bit too timid, and he's got some running issues. As in, he doesn't, and when he tries to, he doesn't do it very well. I'd say more, but he is my son and I don't want to scar him but having the world know about his inability to run like a normal human, but I will point out that if Tom Hanks was his coach, today he might have said "there's no skipping in soccer!"

Ah, a new week a new interview. This week, I interview



This is the place for good, clean writing!

The Johnny Appleseed Festival is tomorrow. Junior has invitations to march in the parade from two different groups. But the weather report looks ugly for tomorrow - they're saying there's an 80% chance of rain. I'm thinking it will probably rain, which means no festival. And none of the other things we could do on a fall Saturday, including apple picking, or whathaveyou. I adore living in New England in the fall. The sensory overload one experiences cannot be accurately described to people who don't get to experience fall foliage, apple orchards and harvest festivals. Never picked your own pumpkin out in the field? That's a damned shame. It's fun, and it also reminds the kids that the pumpkins didn't just appear out of nowhere in a bin at the store. Plus when you step on the vines they make a squeaky popping noise.

As for apples, the new owners of Marshall Farm in Fitchburg have done an amazing job of adding on the little cafe to the old barn, with the outdoor porch for sipping coffee and looking out at the amazing view. Unfortunately, they've gotten rid of a lot of the old orchards since last year. There's a [dirt] parking lot that used to be the grassy area where they'd do drop-offs and pickups for the fire engine rides. The orchards on the other side of the street have been removed to make a bigger area for the petting zoo (I think...it wasn't done when we were there.) You can still pick your own, it's just in a smaller orchard. But they did build more permanent BBQ pits, so you can make a full day of it. I'm glad they kept that aspect of the farm. It really is a great place to go on fall weekends.

We all knew when the Jay Marshall died, most of us who had grown to love the farm feared for the worst, so I am beyond pleased that the new owners worked to make what they had thrive, instead of selling off all the land for condos. The farm was established in 1786, so it's not a fly-by-night place. 9 generations of Marshalls ran the farm. A type of apple discovered one year turned out to be unique and is thus trademarked as the "Marshall Macintosh" and they are now grown in other orchards in the US.

What's my point? Well, maybe it's just a reminder to not miss all the cool stuff fall offers. From what I've seen of the trees that have already started turning, this year should be AMAZING for foliage. Yea fall!

Okay, so hurricane #4 is fired up and ready to head to Florida. Does this mean they've hit their quota for the next couple of years?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Weather is scary.

So I'm driving behind a dumptruck and it's got the following notice on the back: "not responsible for broken windshields".

Uh, and if you don't secure your load and something flies off and breaks my windshield, that's MY fault? I don't think so, Mr. J P Noonan.

Thank God the primaries are over. I am SO SICK of looking at hundreds of political signs. Seriously, I'm at the point where I'd vote for the person with the LEAST number of signs.

Special note to Claire Freda, who had a jumbo-tron sign parked on North Main Street near the Fitchburg line: I wouldn't break the word "Knowledge" apart onto two lines. Find another word, if you don't have room. Because the fact that you "know ledge" isn't going to make me vote for you.

Ms. Freda also was disappointed at her loss because she thought people would "look more at my background." I don't know about everyone else, but that's exactly why I voted for someone else. She may have Ward 3 in her back pocket, but I'm glad to see the rest of the city doesn't approve of her nonsense. (Hey, wait, maybe she won Ward 3 because her constituents where hoping she'd win so she'd have to give up her city council seat. Hmmm.)

(The rest of you can probably skip this. I'm writing publicly to the guy driving the Oxygen truck. I assume the Oxygen was in tanks, but I couldn't see through the walls of the box truck. It had one of those little diamond warning signs that said "Oxygen." Okay.)

Dude. I don't know if this was your first trip down route 117 through lovely Bolton center, but there's a really good reason why the guy in the pickup truck behind you was sitting on his horn in the center of town. You see, the way it works at the blinking light is the people on 117 let those waiting at the intersection in, almost at a one-for-one ratio. It's amazingly polite. Sometimes it's 1 car in for every 2 or 3 on 117, but you get the idea. They don't wait there very long before someone lets them merge in. It's like this every single morning, and has been since the first time this route was my commute, back in 1988.

You stopped to let at least 10 cars out in front of you. What the hell was wrong with you? After the 4th or 5th car, when the guy behind you beeped, did you decide you'd "show him" by letting everyone else out too? Don't you think letting 10 people out in front of you is excessive under any circumstances? I do. You have the full right of way on that road, and by sitting there like you were broken down, you made things worse further back for people on 117. We need flow. The normal process is that you let someone out in front of you while you continue in a forward motion...nobody actually stops. You stopped.

Don't do it again, or I won't be responsible if the guy turning purple behind you gets out of his truck to "talk" to you about the situation.

Back in July I made a chart for the three kids counting down the days and weeks until we leave for Florida. Back then there were 13 long weeks to wade through. Now we're down to less than 6, and it's getting far enough past summer that I can actually start to pull together the clothes we'll bring, because we won't be wearing them any more this year. We wore shorts yesterday though, it was darned hot. But you only need to leave one pair out and available this time of year. By the time it's warm enough again to wear them, they'll have been washed and dried.

Besides, I can always pull them OUT of the suitcase. If, God willing, there's another steamy Saturday good enough for swimming, I'll know where the suits are. Otherwise, I need to start the move to our fall clothes, which means moving the summer things out of the drawers. Of course, a lot of my stuff I just leave in the closet all year, so it's more like reorganizing it to put the fall stuff in a more prime location.

What was I talking about? Oh, Florida. I would respectfully request that Mother Nature take her bluster elsewhere for the rest of the hurricane season. We've been planning this for six months now, and I don't want it ruined!

We got through the first soccer game with no injuries, no tears, nothin! The other team seemed to have a little more skills than our guys, but at this age, it almost doesn't matter.

I don't know if they keep official score, I mean, I think they do. A couple of our goals weren't counted, because they weren't allowing goals for the goalie standing in the net. Oh well, they all had fun. That's what matters, right?

Not getting overtly political here, but I am providing a link to a site that is, because I got a little ruffled yesterday when I heard some of the claims as to why the Bush memos must be forgeries. Regardless of how I feel about the candidates, to have all the popular press immediately jump on the "it's not real" story of some bloggers simply because they lined up a Word document with a printed PDF is slopping and irresponsible. You can't tell ANYTHING by doing that. A PDF isn't a photograph, for goodness' sake.

Apparently, the "experts" who said Times New Roman didn't exist on typewriters back in the 60s and 70s had never actually used an IBM typewriter. Idiots. Besides, the font used in the memo isn't Times New Roman.

But this is good reading, so here's the link, talking about how yes, it was possible to do superscript without a computer. I mean, imagine being able to accomplish anything without a computer? Oh, and don't forget to skim the comments section. Lots of good stuff there.

This week's Daily Probe features another one of my Interviews! A copy now lives on the Still Life With Interview page.

I think I spelled that right. The spell checker will tell me if I didn't. Thank God for spellchecking. I need to get the person who invented it a Christmas present this year. Or at least send a card.

So on the way to work, as my mind is wondering because WXLO is playing the same songs for the 400th time, I realize that I'm not taking in as much calcium as I should be, especially given my age. That I will not mention. So when I went to get my coffee in the cafeteria this morning, I got one of their yoghurt parfait thingies. It's a giant strawberry yoghurt mixed with granola and raisins. It's actually quite yummy but my goodness, who can eat this much yoghurt in one sitting?

I know granola isn't exactly good for you, but darned if it isn't tasty!

I'm in a better mood today. I'm sure you were all very concerned that the oil in the trash thing caused that vein in my forehead to burst. It didn't. Whew! Another bullet dodged.

It's a rainy day, I believe the dregs of Frances, but don't hold me to that. We haven't had a good soaking rain in a while, so I'm not complaining. Especially because by Friday the rain will have moved on, and we will not have received 20 inches of it. Junior had his first soccer practice last night, and he is very excited about the whole thing. Makes me wish we had started him when he was 4, like some of the other kids, but really, how skilled do a bunch of 4 year olds get playing once a week for an hour or so? When Junior was 4 he could tell his left from his right, but sometime between then and now he lost that skill. I'm pretty sure soccer would have been the same. (And yes, we're working on the left and right thing. He's right about 65% of the time now.)

It's dad's birthday tomorrow. (Dad, if you're reading this, avert your eyes) So we're going to need to go shopping for a present tonight. I wonder if my sister is planning to bake a cake? We need a cake. Any excuse for a cake, I say.

Oh man, am I angry this morning. I'll jump right to the meat of it - some mouth-breathing, dog poop-eating dingleberry apparently figured my rubbish barrel was as good a place as any to use as a place to throw out his/her used motor oil. At least I think that's what it was.

You piece of slime, here are a few quick thoughts, if you are capable of understanding more than grunts:

• My rubbish barrel is not open to the general public. We put it down at the end of the driveway for pickup, not for dropoff.
• It's illegal to throw motor oil in the trash. You probably knew that when you put it in, but I'd like to know why it's okay for my family to deal with illegal disposal of motor oil but yours isn't? If the rubbish guys had seen this stuff, they could report me. I'm FURIOUS with you for putting me at risk. The words that fill my head are not suitable to be written here.
• Thanks to your careful disposal, I ended up with oil all over my hands when I went to pick up the barrel after the trash guys emptied it. This is how I knew it was in there. You are beyond lucky that it didn't get on my clothing, or on my shoes which would have been ruined. Two hands COVERED with oil was fun enough. Oh, and now I get to try to clean up any that dripped plus the inside of my rubbish barrel. I'm so freaking thrilled I'm beside myself. Turd.

And no, it wasn't us, because a) we go to the quick lube place to get our oil changed, thank you, and b) our lawn mower doesn't use oil and c) WE DON'T THROW USED OIL IN THE TRASH, YOU SLIMESUCKING, KNUCKLEDRAGGER!

God, I'd have given anything to see you do that and get your license plate. I'd have been happy to turn your info over to my brother-in-law the State Cop.

Okay, the rest of you can carry on and look at the nice pictures.

I don't know that my family ever did the same thing every year on labor day. I know a lot of people use it to get in one last beach day, or attend a fall fair. Today we were pretty low key - ran an errand this morning, then had lunch at Barber's Crossing (single boiled lobster, 10.95, twins only 15.95. And they are GOOOOOOD) followed up with a round of mini-golf. Junior loves his mini golf. I wanted to go to the one at the Whalom driving range, which is unbelievably well-kept, and the price isn't outrageous. Junior wanted to go to the one at Mason's Bowling alley. Now I grew up at that course, mostly because it was within walking distance of my house. So I know it pretty well. I also know they don't put much if any money into upkeep. I took a photo that kind of captures the feel of the place.

I think they owners are between a rock and a hard place (sort of like Whalom Park was right before it went out of business)...they need to put a lot of money into fixing it up, to bring in lots of new business. Because they aren't getting any business, they don't have any money to put into fixing it up. It's one of those deals that the only way it's going to be improved is if a new owner flush with cash takes over. I can't see the current owners doing on overhaul, not when some of the holes are EXACTLY the same as they were 20 years ago when I was a regular.




So follow that up with some ice cream, and I think we're just going to have hot dogs for dinner because that's a Labor Day food. And with that, we can effectively kiss summer 2004 goodbye.

I just realized that most of the pictures I took weren't of the people at King Richard's Faire, which is probably good because it's not like I was walking around with a stack of photo releases so I could put them on my site. Let's just say that if you've never been to a Ren faire or the like, the people who attend are sometimes dressed more appropriately than the people working the fair. Several times my sister and I asked ourselves if someone was just a guest or not (including the way cool couple who dressed like wizards of some sort).

The two shots I'll share are of the knight we were supposed to cheer for, based on where we were sitting in the jousting arena, and one of Junior trying his hand at archery, and the last him riding a wooden horse on wires where he's trying to catch a ring on a wooden sword. We didn't let them do the knife or ax throw, for those wondering.

I'm reporting live from Kind Richard's Faire...photos to comee this evening.

Hey, my poem made their website! Of course, maybe they all do, but I thought I'd brag anyway. I have their 2004 calendar, which is hanging at work. I wrote this one last month.

Magnetic Poetry - Anthology Online

Can I complain for a moment? I mean, I know there are horrible things going on in the world (including Zell Miller's speech) but this is something that's been bothering me greatly for about three weeks now.

It has to do with my parking spot in the garage at work. I've been here for over a year now, and for that entire time, I've parked in the same basic spot (no more than one or two away from that spot). I mean, every day for a year.

And suddenly, there are people in these spots, even when I get there early. I believe I've mentioned before, these are not "good" spots. They are actually kind of deep in the garage, just because I thought it would be good to get a little extra walk. A whole year I parked there, and the same car used to park next to me. And now, because they are hogging those spots, I actually have to park closer to the door. Can you believe it? So anyway, that's my vent. Thank you for listening.

I wanted to write this down before I forgot. And I forget easily.

You're all watching Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, right? Right? Well the "live" show they have around it, "Fridays" is good. Very good. I wanted to praise them for having funny hosts and funny bits that don't make you want to scream for them to get off the screen, the way you often do for the utterly horrendous talentless bunch of awful twitch-inducing "hosts" on Splat!. If Nick doesn't fire that bunch of amateurs soon, I'm going to put a chair through the television.

Where was I? Oh, right. "Fridays" is great. Our favorite part involves a fake spelling bee and "Long Haul the puppet trucker". They have a word of the day, and a child steps to the microphone and says "Can you use it in a sentence". Cut to Long Haul, driving his truck, who uses it in a sentence that isn't a sentence, and then back to the kids where a kid spells it correctly. I'm not doing it justice, but last week's word was "D'oof" and the sentence was "Drivin drivin drivin drivin D'OOF!" Junior and I can't stop saying it to each other.

Fridays - A
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends - A
Splat! - D, if I'm feeling generous

Okay, so Junior survived and flourished on day 1. Apparently his desk is right up front, and the little bugger started his elementary school career by asking "Is there anything I can do to help you?" to the teacher. So she of course used him to do things all day. Way to cement your position as teacher's pet from the get-go! Cripes, I thought I was giving him good advice to get through the day, but this kid needs nothing from me.

Other things:

• Apparently, they use sporks in the cafeteria, and he thought they were the most brilliant invention ever. (My father used to work for the company that invented the spork, so I need to pass this information along.)
• Kids who were in his rec department summer program are also in the after school program at the elementary school, so he is psyched.
• There's another kid in his class with the same first name and last initial. I had already told him that if the teacher shortens his name, he could tell her he prefers his whole name so that it will be that way for the next 12 years. (example: Shortening David to Dave, or Susan to Sue). So he did tell her, and now the other kid is stuck with the nickname. Maybe that kid didn't care, I know Junior just prefers his full name, as do his father and I.
• They don't sell strawberry milk in the cafeteria (Oh, really? They don't? Barbarians!.)

So it was a great day, and he was just as excited to go back for day two. Whew!

There is no better day of the year than the day after the Yanks suffer the worst loss in their history, a 22-0 shutout at home. I'm positively glowing! The only thing that would have made that better is if we had been the ones to hand it to them.