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Skyrockets In Flight

Forgive me if I’m wrong, and I’m not, but fireworks are illegal in Massachusetts. I believe throughout the state they are illegal. I also believe (and I’m a bit fuzzier on this bit because it’s a non-issue in my fireworks-free life) that carrying them across state lines is a huge no-no, especially with all the 9/11 restrictions now in place. I thought some towns weren’t sure they could have their 4th of July celebrations this year for that very reason.

So then, I’m puzzled by what I got in the mail today. It’s a sale flyer from a company called “Phantom Fireworks” and they are encouraging me to take advantage of their “Buy one get one free” sale. Wow, lots of cool packages with great names…and I can’t buy any of them. Well, technically I can, but I have to set them off in New Hampshire if I do. If I was actually stupid enough to trust myself with a trunk full of explosives.

But let’s see what they’ve got for products:

  • Pyro Pandemonioum

  • Midnight Monsoon

  • Blazing Blast Furnace

  • Rain of Fire

  • Apache Firedance

  • Alien Abduction

  • Shagadellic Mojo

  • Swarming Skeeters

  • Raging Rottweilers

  • Wallping Warheads, and my favorite,

  • Untamed Retribution. That one has an eagle and an American Flag on it. Only $79.99 per package.

Zoinks! Well, so for only $179.99 I could pick up the Iwo Jima Assortment. And I don’t need to actually go to one of their stores, because now KMart carries fireworks!

“When you’re planning your next family picnic, as always you can stop by your nearest Kmart for a great selection of picnic essentials, such as paper plates, plastic utensils, and sun screen. But now you’ll also be able to choose from a variety of Phantom Brand fireworks and novelties to add some fun for the whole family.”

I also suggest some bandaids and a cooler to keep the fingers in until you can get them reattached at the emergency room.